1
00:00:03,380 --> 00:00:05,073
RIGHT,
QUICK BUT CUTE.
2
00:00:05,075 --> 00:00:06,769
GOODY GUMDROPS,
I LOVE YOUR JOKES.
3
00:00:06,771 --> 00:00:08,625
RIGHT, NOW
CONCENTRATE. OKAY?
4
00:00:08,627 --> 00:00:09,585
OKAY.
5
00:00:09,587 --> 00:00:11,922
A HORSE
WALKS INTO A BAR,
6
00:00:11,924 --> 00:00:16,626
AND THE BARMAN
SAYS, "HEY, WHY
THE LONG FACE?"
7
00:00:19,891 --> 00:00:21,649
SORRY?
8
00:00:21,651 --> 00:00:24,081
"WHY THE LONG FACE?"
DO YOU GET IT?
9
00:00:24,083 --> 00:00:26,162
NO, I DON'T.
10
00:00:26,164 --> 00:00:28,082
WELL, THE HORSE
HAS GOT A LONG FACE.
11
00:00:28,084 --> 00:00:29,233
WHY, IS HE
DEPRESSED?
12
00:00:29,235 --> 00:00:31,473
NO, HE'S
NOT DEPRESSED.
13
00:00:31,475 --> 00:00:34,833
WELL, I DON'T MEAN
ACTUALLY DEPRESSED,
NOT CLINICALLY,
14
00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:36,818
BUT SOMETHING'S
OBVIOUSLY GONE
VERY WRONG FOR HIM.
15
00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:39,633
OTHERWISE, HE WOULDN'T
BE GOING INTO THE BAR
WITH THE LONG FACE.
16
00:00:39,635 --> 00:00:42,097
I MEAN, HE'S
OBVIOUSLY LONELY.
17
00:00:42,099 --> 00:00:44,529
WHO KNOWS,
MAYBE HE'S GOT
A DRINK PROBLEM AS WELL.
18
00:00:44,531 --> 00:00:47,442
I DON'T KNOW WHY
I ALWAYS MAKE
THIS MISTAKE.
19
00:00:47,444 --> 00:00:49,745
I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY,
I INTERRUPTED.
20
00:00:49,747 --> 00:00:53,137
YOU WERE GOING TO TELL ME,
WHY DOES THE HORSE
HAVE A LONG FACE?
21
00:00:53,139 --> 00:00:55,953
BECAUSE
HE'S A HORSE.
22
00:00:57,235 --> 00:01:00,913
OH, WOW...
THAT IS DEPRESSION.
23
00:01:00,915 --> 00:01:04,209
IF HE IS
ACTUALLY DEPRESSED
BECAUSE HE'S A HORSE,
24
00:01:04,211 --> 00:01:07,249
HE'LL NEVER
GET OUT OF THAT.
NEVER.
25
00:01:07,251 --> 00:01:09,105
HE'LL ALWAYS
HAVE A LONG FACE.
26
00:01:10,899 --> 00:01:15,217
YES, BECAUSE
HE'S A HORSE.
27
00:01:15,219 --> 00:01:18,865
YOU AGREE WITH HIM?
IF YOU WERE A HORSE
YOU'D HAVE A LONG FACE?
28
00:01:18,867 --> 00:01:22,833
YES, BECAUSE
I WAS A HORSE.
29
00:01:22,835 --> 00:01:27,249
IT'S SO ODD.
I DISAGREE,
IF I WAS AN ANT,
30
00:01:27,251 --> 00:01:28,657
I'D HAVE
A VERY LONG FACE,
31
00:01:28,659 --> 00:01:30,353
PEOPLE TREADING
ON ME ALL DAY.
32
00:01:30,355 --> 00:01:33,362
BUT IF I WAS A HORSE,
I WOULD BE SO HAPPY
33
00:01:33,363 --> 00:01:36,753
JUMPING OVER FENCES,
OVER STILES,
34
00:01:36,755 --> 00:01:39,473
WINNING LOVELY ROSETTES
AT GYMKHANAS,
35
00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:40,881
HAVING SUGAR CUBES
IN MY MOUTH.
36
00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:43,473
- DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WISH I WAS?
- NO, WHAT?
37
00:01:43,475 --> 00:01:46,481
A GREAT, BIG,
VICIOUS DOBERMAN DOG.
38
00:01:46,483 --> 00:01:47,569
WHY?
39
00:01:47,571 --> 00:01:51,409
'CAUSE THEN
I COULD RIP
YOUR THROAT OUT!
40
00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:55,953
OOOH... THAT IS
DEPRESSION, TOO.
41
00:01:57,746 --> 00:02:02,418
♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD,
I SHALL NOT WANT ♪
42
00:02:02,419 --> 00:02:08,242
♪ HE MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN
IN GREEN PASTURES ♪
43
00:02:08,244 --> 00:02:13,489
♪ HE LEADETH ME ♪
44
00:02:13,491 --> 00:02:19,313
BESIDE STILL WATERS ♪
45
00:02:22,163 --> 00:02:27,153
♪ STILL WATERS ♪
46
00:02:27,155 --> 00:02:29,106
RIGHT,
MOVING ON...
YES.
47
00:02:29,108 --> 00:02:30,321
OH, SORRY
I'M LATE.
48
00:02:30,323 --> 00:02:32,657
I'VE BEEN WORKING
ON A LIFE-SIZE CUT-OUT
49
00:02:32,659 --> 00:02:35,760
3-D DO-IT-YOURSELF
VIBRATING MODEL
50
00:02:35,762 --> 00:02:37,617
OF JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE.
51
00:02:37,619 --> 00:02:40,978
YEAH, JUST GOT
TO THE TROUSER
SECTION.
52
00:02:41,971 --> 00:02:44,721
COMPLETELY FORGOT
IT WAS WEDNESDAY.
53
00:02:44,723 --> 00:02:48,337
WELL, I'M AFRAID
THE MEETING
IS ALMOST OVER.
54
00:02:48,339 --> 00:02:49,969
UNLESS SOMEONE
HAS AN A.O.B.,
55
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:53,202
YOU CAN GET STRAIGHT BACK
TO MASTER TIMBERLAKE'S
PRIVATES.
56
00:02:53,203 --> 00:02:56,145
THOUGH I WOULD
LIKE TO RECORD
OUR DISAPPOINTMENT
57
00:02:56,147 --> 00:02:58,866
THAT YOU DIDN'T GET THE JOB
WITH THE ARCHBISHOP
OF CANTERBURY.
58
00:02:58,868 --> 00:03:00,305
HEAR, HEAR.
59
00:03:00,307 --> 00:03:02,065
Geraldine:
OH, WELL, THANK YOU.
60
00:03:02,067 --> 00:03:03,793
ACTUALLY,
I'M FINE ABOUT IT.
61
00:03:03,795 --> 00:03:06,769
YOU KNOW, C'EST LA VIE,
THAT'S THE WAY THE COOKIE
CRUMBLES.
62
00:03:06,771 --> 00:03:08,433
HE SIMPLY DECIDED
TO GIVE THE JOB
63
00:03:08,435 --> 00:03:12,913
TO A MUCH YOUNGER
TOTAL TWATTING,
TALENTLESS, TOSSING TOOL.
64
00:03:14,835 --> 00:03:17,073
NICELY PUT.
65
00:03:17,075 --> 00:03:19,026
ANY A.O.B.'S?
66
00:03:19,027 --> 00:03:20,433
OH, ACTUALLY, YES,
I'VE GOT ONE.
67
00:03:20,435 --> 00:03:22,929
I'D LIKE TO PROPOSE
THAT WE COMMEMORATE
THE FACT
68
00:03:22,931 --> 00:03:25,424
THAT THIS YEAR, IT IS
THE 20th ANNIVERSARY
69
00:03:25,426 --> 00:03:26,769
OF THE LIVE AID CONCERT.
70
00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:29,233
BAGS I PLAY
FREDDIE MERCURY.
71
00:03:31,282 --> 00:03:33,841
YOU DON'T LOOK
ANYTHING LIKE
FREDDIE MERCURY.
72
00:03:33,843 --> 00:03:36,785
I DO WHEN
I DYE MY MOUSTACHE.
73
00:03:36,787 --> 00:03:40,177
NO--NO--NO,
YOU BLOODY
WELL DON'T.
74
00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:42,704
YOU DYE YOUR MOUSTACHE,
YOU LOOK LIKE STALIN.
75
00:03:44,626 --> 00:03:48,689
AS I WAS TRYING TO SAY,
BEFORE I WAS INTERRUPTED
BY THREE AGEING LUNATICS,
76
00:03:48,691 --> 00:03:51,185
I'M NOT SUGGESTING
THAT WE RE-STAGE IT,
77
00:03:51,187 --> 00:03:53,553
JUST THAT WE REMEMBER IT
OFFICIALLY IN SOME WAY.
78
00:03:53,555 --> 00:03:55,025
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY.
79
00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:56,433
WELL, BECAUSE
IT WAS ONE DAY
80
00:03:56,435 --> 00:03:59,921
THAT I GENUINELY FELT
PROUD TO BE ALIVE.
81
00:03:59,923 --> 00:04:01,265
YOU KNOW,
FOR ONCE IN OUR LIVES
82
00:04:01,267 --> 00:04:02,768
WE ALL
STOOD TOGETHER
83
00:04:02,770 --> 00:04:04,977
AND SAID THAT PEOPLE
ARE STARVING
84
00:04:04,979 --> 00:04:06,960
AND WE'RE
MAD AS HELL
ABOUT IT.
85
00:04:06,962 --> 00:04:10,353
YES, I REMEMBER,
I WAS MAD AS HELL
THAT DAY.
86
00:04:10,355 --> 00:04:11,537
GOOD ON YOU,
JIM.
87
00:04:11,539 --> 00:04:15,697
YES, MY TELEVISION
REMOTE WOULDN'T WORK.
88
00:04:15,699 --> 00:04:20,048
I HAD TO WATCH
EMMERDALE FARM
ALL AFTERNOON.
89
00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:22,320
IF WE WERE
TO DO
SOMETHING,
90
00:04:22,322 --> 00:04:23,569
WHAT EXACTLY
ARE YOU SUGGESTING?
91
00:04:23,571 --> 00:04:25,073
WELL,
I DON'T KNOW.
92
00:04:25,075 --> 00:04:27,185
PERHAPS WE SHOULD
ALL WRITE A LETTER
TO THE PRIME MINISTER
93
00:04:27,187 --> 00:04:28,880
SAYING THAT
IT'S TIME
TO DO SOMETHING
94
00:04:28,882 --> 00:04:31,377
ABOUT POVERTY
ONCE AND FOR ALL.
95
00:04:31,379 --> 00:04:33,361
I DON'T THINK SHE CARES
ABOUT POVERTY VERY MUCH.
96
00:04:34,355 --> 00:04:36,017
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
"SHE"?
97
00:04:36,019 --> 00:04:37,873
MARGARET THATCHER.
98
00:04:43,571 --> 00:04:46,224
MARGARET THATCHER
ISN'T THE PRIME MINISTER.
99
00:04:46,226 --> 00:04:47,857
ISN'T SHE?
100
00:04:47,858 --> 00:04:51,505
NO, SHE HASN'T BEEN
THE PRIME MINISTER
FOR 15 YEARS.
101
00:04:51,507 --> 00:04:53,744
WELL, WHAT
HAPPENED THEN?
102
00:04:53,746 --> 00:04:56,177
SHE GOT BOOTED OUT.
103
00:04:56,179 --> 00:04:57,329
WHO BY?
104
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,800
JOHN MAJOR.
105
00:04:58,802 --> 00:04:59,760
WHO?
106
00:05:01,235 --> 00:05:03,281
JOHN MAJOR.
107
00:05:03,283 --> 00:05:06,705
ARE YOU SURE?
SURE WHAT?
108
00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:09,425
THAT MARGARET THATCHER ISN'T
STILL THE PRIME MINISTER?
109
00:05:09,427 --> 00:05:12,240
OF COURSE SHE ISN'T.
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE!
110
00:05:12,242 --> 00:05:13,841
WHO IS PRIME
MINISTER THEN,
WILLIE WHITELAW?
111
00:05:13,843 --> 00:05:15,281
NO.
112
00:05:15,283 --> 00:05:18,065
GOD ALIVE!
I'M IN A STATE OF SHOCK.
WHO IS IT THEN?
113
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,920
IT'S TONY BLAIR.
114
00:05:23,155 --> 00:05:26,000
NOPE, DOESN'T
RING A BELL.
115
00:05:26,002 --> 00:05:28,721
OH, COME ON!
TONY BLAIR,
116
00:05:28,723 --> 00:05:30,865
HE'S BEEN THE PRIME MINISTER
FOR THE LAST SEVEN YEARS!
117
00:05:30,867 --> 00:05:32,112
WHAT'S HE DONE?
118
00:05:33,586 --> 00:05:35,697
OVER TO YOU.
119
00:05:36,691 --> 00:05:40,688
WELL...LOTS
OF...GOOD STUFF.
120
00:05:40,690 --> 00:05:43,632
ALL I'M SUGGESTING
IS THAT WE WRITE HIM
A LETTER.
121
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:44,784
MAYBE WE SHOULD
WRITE A LETTER
122
00:05:44,786 --> 00:05:47,249
TO MARGARET THATCHER
AS WELL, JUST IN CASE.
123
00:05:47,251 --> 00:05:49,424
JUST IN CASE WHAT?
124
00:05:49,426 --> 00:05:51,920
WELL, JUST IN CASE
SHE'S STILL IN POWER
125
00:05:51,922 --> 00:05:54,320
AND YOU'VE GOT
THE WRONG END
OF THE STICK.
126
00:05:54,322 --> 00:05:56,144
LOOK, I
TELL YOU WHAT,
127
00:05:56,146 --> 00:05:58,097
WHY
DON'T YOU START
A SUBCOMMITTEE
128
00:05:58,098 --> 00:06:00,337
TO DISCUSS
THIS LIVE AID
NONSENSE.
129
00:06:00,339 --> 00:06:02,032
FOR NOW, I'M SURE
THERE ARE LOTS OF OTHER,
130
00:06:02,034 --> 00:06:03,537
MORE IMPORTANT THINGS
PEOPLE WANT TO TABLE.
131
00:06:03,539 --> 00:06:04,848
WHAT MORE IMPORTANT
THAN MAKING
132
00:06:04,850 --> 00:06:07,184
EXTREME POVERTY
HISTORY FOREVER?
133
00:06:07,186 --> 00:06:09,041
WELL YES,
I THINK SO.
134
00:06:09,043 --> 00:06:11,921
I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS
THE PUMPKIN COMPETITION.
135
00:06:11,923 --> 00:06:12,944
All: YES.
136
00:06:12,946 --> 00:06:15,153
THERE YOU GO,
YOU SEE.
137
00:06:15,155 --> 00:06:17,553
ANYONE WHO WANTS TO BE
ON THE POVERTY, BAND AID,
138
00:06:17,554 --> 00:06:20,624
GOODY-GOODY, "WHOOPS,
I'M HUNGRY" SUBCOMMITTEE,
139
00:06:20,626 --> 00:06:22,288
RAISE THEIR HANDS.
140
00:06:23,699 --> 00:06:25,424
FIRST MEETING
TEATIME TOMORROW,
141
00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:27,728
MY PLACE,
JAFFA CAKES SUPPLIED.
142
00:06:27,730 --> 00:06:29,553
All:
GOOD IDEA.
VITAL STUFF.
143
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:31,568
THANK YOU.
144
00:06:31,570 --> 00:06:34,416
MOVING ON, ANY OTHER
ANY OTHER BUSINESS?
145
00:06:34,418 --> 00:06:35,504
YES, YES,
THERE IS
ONE LITTLE THING.
146
00:06:35,506 --> 00:06:37,392
OH,
GOOD FOR YOU,
HUGO.
147
00:06:37,394 --> 00:06:38,768
AH, THANKS
VERY MUCH.
148
00:06:38,770 --> 00:06:40,657
WELL THE THING IS,
BEFORE THE NEXT MEETING,
149
00:06:40,659 --> 00:06:43,920
IT IS IN FACT QUITE
AN IMPORTANT BIRTHDAY
FOR ONE OF US,
150
00:06:43,922 --> 00:06:46,288
AND I THOUGHT WE
MIGHT LIKE TO TALK ABOUT
HOW TO CELEBRATE IT.
151
00:06:46,290 --> 00:06:47,313
WHOSE BIRTHDAY
IS IT?
152
00:06:47,314 --> 00:06:48,433
SHUT UP YOU TWO.
153
00:06:48,435 --> 00:06:49,457
IT'S
GERALDINE'S.
154
00:06:49,459 --> 00:06:51,696
HOW OLD
IS SHE GOING TO BE?
155
00:06:51,698 --> 00:06:53,329
SORRY, I'VE GOT
AN APPOINTMENT.
I MUST GO.
156
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,664
HO HO, I'VE GOT IT,
I'VE GOT IT.
157
00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:58,193
THERE'LL BE NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT,
BEING 50.
158
00:07:01,139 --> 00:07:04,657
SOME OF MY
MOST EXCITING
SEXUAL JOURNEYS
159
00:07:04,659 --> 00:07:08,048
HAVE BEEN
THROUGH THE CAVERNS
AND OVER THE HILLS
160
00:07:08,050 --> 00:07:10,320
OF WOMEN
OF A CERTAIN AGE.
161
00:07:11,443 --> 00:07:14,513
I HAD NO IDEA
YOU WERE 50.
162
00:07:14,515 --> 00:07:17,137
I'M NOT 50!
163
00:07:17,139 --> 00:07:18,449
HOW OLD
ARE YOU, THEN?
164
00:07:18,451 --> 00:07:20,688
WELL, I'M GOING TO BE...
YOU KNOW...
165
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,289
THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH IT.
166
00:07:22,291 --> 00:07:24,817
I MEAN A LOT OF WOMEN
FIND THEIR TRUE LOVE
AFTER THIS AGE.
167
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,544
AND AS YOU KNOW,
THE AVERAGE AGE
FOR CHILDBIRTH
168
00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:28,113
HAS SHOT UP
IN RECENT YEARS,
169
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:29,328
SO THERE'S
SOME HOPE THERE.
170
00:07:29,330 --> 00:07:30,833
I'M GOING TO BE,
YOU KNOW...
171
00:07:30,835 --> 00:07:34,481
IN THE REGION OF...
40, PROBABLY.
172
00:07:34,483 --> 00:07:36,272
All:
OH. 40.
173
00:07:36,274 --> 00:07:38,705
JUST BELT-UP,
THE LOT OF YOU!
174
00:07:38,706 --> 00:07:40,529
I WANT TO MAKE
SOMETHING AS CLEAR
175
00:07:40,531 --> 00:07:42,640
AS THE BREASTS
ON JORDAN'S CHEST.
176
00:07:42,642 --> 00:07:45,872
I WILL NOT,
REPEAT NOT,
BE CELEBRATING IT,
177
00:07:45,874 --> 00:07:47,792
AND THAT, GENTLEMEN,
IS THAT.
178
00:07:47,794 --> 00:07:50,129
I'M A BIG WOMAN
WITH BIG FISTS,
179
00:07:50,131 --> 00:07:51,600
AND I WOULD HATE
TO HAVE TO USE THEM
180
00:07:51,602 --> 00:07:53,392
ON ANYONE
WHO MENTIONS IT AGAIN.
181
00:07:53,394 --> 00:07:56,272
SO WE WON'T BE HAVING
YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY, THEN?
182
00:08:09,746 --> 00:08:12,209
UM, I WAS LISTENING
TO THE RADIO YESTERDAY
183
00:08:12,210 --> 00:08:14,160
AND THEY PLAYED
THIS SONG THAT SAYS,
184
00:08:14,162 --> 00:08:16,880
"I HOPE I DIE
BEFORE I GET OLD."
185
00:08:16,882 --> 00:08:18,672
HOW OLD DO YOU
THINK OLD IS?
186
00:08:18,674 --> 00:08:20,272
HMM, DON'T KNOW,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
187
00:08:20,274 --> 00:08:23,664
I DON'T KNOW,
I SUPPOSE FOR
ACTUAL OLD PEOPLE,
188
00:08:23,666 --> 00:08:26,257
161 IS VERY OLD.
189
00:08:26,258 --> 00:08:27,728
RIGHT.
190
00:08:27,730 --> 00:08:30,001
BUT FOR YOUNG PEOPLE,
28 IS PRETTY OLD.
191
00:08:30,003 --> 00:08:31,728
SO 30 IS...
192
00:08:31,730 --> 00:08:34,128
VERY OLD.
AND 35?
193
00:08:34,130 --> 00:08:36,848
IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE
ANYONE THAT OLD,
ISN'T IT?
194
00:08:38,738 --> 00:08:41,328
AND 40 IS?
195
00:08:41,330 --> 00:08:44,144
I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW
WHY THEY BOTHER.
196
00:08:45,682 --> 00:08:48,208
I THINK
THE KINDEST THING
TO DO TO WOMEN
197
00:08:48,210 --> 00:08:50,352
WHO REACH
40 IS JUST
PUT THEM DOWN.
198
00:08:50,354 --> 00:08:52,623
SPEAKING OF WHICH,
199
00:08:52,625 --> 00:08:54,128
YOUR BIRTHDAY
IS COMING UP,
ISN'T IT?
200
00:08:54,130 --> 00:08:55,376
HOW OLD ARE YOU
GOING TO BE?
201
00:08:55,378 --> 00:08:57,679
NONE OF YOUR
BUSINESS.
202
00:08:57,681 --> 00:08:59,248
OH, I LOVE
GUESSING GAMES.
203
00:08:59,250 --> 00:09:01,808
UM...32?
204
00:09:01,810 --> 00:09:03,472
NO, I'M NOT
PLAYING, ALICE.
205
00:09:03,474 --> 00:09:05,040
OH, IT'S NOT 35,
IS IT?
206
00:09:05,042 --> 00:09:08,016
IN WHICH CASE,
I AM SO SORRY
ABOUT WHAT I SAID.
207
00:09:08,018 --> 00:09:10,255
THERE ARE SOME LATE
MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN
208
00:09:10,257 --> 00:09:12,144
WHO ARE PERFECTLY
REASONABLE LOOKING,
209
00:09:12,146 --> 00:09:14,224
YOU KNOW,
PEOPLE LIKE...
210
00:09:17,010 --> 00:09:19,855
I CAN'T THINK OF ANY,
BUT THERE MUST BE
ONE OR TWO.
211
00:09:19,857 --> 00:09:22,128
40, I'M GOING
TO BE 40.
212
00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:28,784
I'M SO SORRY.
213
00:09:28,786 --> 00:09:29,744
NO...
214
00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:35,088
NO, 40 IS GREAT,
ALL RIGHT?
215
00:09:35,090 --> 00:09:36,336
THAT'S
THE RIGHT AGE FOR ME
216
00:09:36,338 --> 00:09:38,608
AND I FEEL VERY HAPPY
AND PROUD ABOUT IT.
217
00:09:38,610 --> 00:09:41,296
YOU POOR THING.
218
00:09:41,298 --> 00:09:43,568
IT'S NEXT STOP: DEATH.
219
00:09:43,570 --> 00:09:47,343
NO! NO, NO, NO,
ON THE CONTRARY, NO.
220
00:09:47,345 --> 00:09:48,721
I FEEL VERY YOUNG
AND FIT.
221
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:51,439
I MEAN, LOOK,
I CAN JUMP,
AND I CAN DANCE.
222
00:09:51,441 --> 00:09:52,880
DID YOU KNOW
THAT I CAN TOUCH
MY TOES?
223
00:09:52,882 --> 00:09:54,063
NO.
224
00:09:54,065 --> 00:09:56,592
OH YES, I CAN,
LOOK AT THIS.
LOOK AT THAT.
225
00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:02,512
WOW, PHEW!
WHEN'S THE PARTY, THEN?
226
00:10:02,514 --> 00:10:05,104
THERE ISN'T
GOING TO BE
A COCKING PARTY!
227
00:10:06,194 --> 00:10:07,759
ALL RIGHT.
228
00:10:07,761 --> 00:10:09,136
SORRY.
229
00:10:09,137 --> 00:10:11,984
CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
LUNATIC ON THE LOOSE.
230
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:15,120
YEAH,
I'M SORRY, SORRY.
231
00:10:15,122 --> 00:10:19,279
I THINK YOUR IDEA
ABOUT DOING LIVE AID
IS JOLLY GOOD.
232
00:10:19,281 --> 00:10:22,416
I THINK I'M PROBABLY
GOING TO BE MADONNA.
233
00:10:22,418 --> 00:10:24,720
♪ LIKE A VIRGIN ♪
234
00:10:24,722 --> 00:10:28,176
♪ TOUCHED FOR
THE VERY FIRST TIME ♪
235
00:10:28,178 --> 00:10:30,448
YEAH, WE'RE
NOT RE-STAGING IT,
ALICE, OKAY,
236
00:10:30,450 --> 00:10:31,663
WE'RE JUST
COMMEMORATING IT.
237
00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:34,383
OH. THE ONE THING
I NEVER DID FIND OUT
238
00:10:34,385 --> 00:10:36,624
ABOUT LIVE AID,
THOUGH WAS,
239
00:10:36,625 --> 00:10:39,408
DID THEY ACTUALLY KNOW
IT WAS CHRISTMASTIME AT ALL?
240
00:10:41,810 --> 00:10:46,927
UM...I THINK
SOME OF THEM DID,
YEAH, YEAH.
241
00:10:46,929 --> 00:10:48,272
OH, GOOD.
242
00:10:48,274 --> 00:10:50,160
I NEVER REALLY DID
APPROVE OF THAT
SONG ACTUALLY,
243
00:10:50,162 --> 00:10:52,144
'CAUSE IT WAS SUCH
A STUPID QUESTION.
244
00:10:52,146 --> 00:10:55,024
I MEAN, I CANNOT
IMAGINE ANYTHING
MORE ANNOYING THAN,
245
00:10:55,026 --> 00:10:58,224
LIKE, I DON'T KNOW,
BEING STARVING TO DEATH
246
00:10:58,226 --> 00:10:59,728
AND SOME FAMOUS
POP STAR COMES UP
247
00:10:59,730 --> 00:11:01,359
TO YOU AND YOU
ARE SO EXCITED
248
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,928
THAT YOU ARE GOING
TO GET A HANDOUT,
249
00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:05,040
AND HE COMES RIGHT UP
TO YOU AND HE SAYS,
250
00:11:05,042 --> 00:11:07,664
"DO YOU KNOW
IT'S CHRISTMASTIME
AT ALL?"
251
00:11:09,297 --> 00:11:11,760
FAT LOT OF GOOD THAT IS!
SURELY, HE SHOULD BE SAYING,
252
00:11:11,762 --> 00:11:14,448
"DO YOU WANT
SOMETHING TO EAT
AT ALL?"
253
00:11:14,450 --> 00:11:16,335
HMM, I DON'T THINK
YOU'VE QUITE UNDERSTOOD
254
00:11:16,337 --> 00:11:17,903
THE MEANING
OF THE SONG, ALICE.
255
00:11:17,905 --> 00:11:19,376
NO, NO, NO, NO,
I THINK I HAVE.
YOU SEE...
256
00:11:19,378 --> 00:11:21,264
( door bell rings )
OH, THERE IS A GOD.
257
00:11:21,266 --> 00:11:24,944
OH, MUST JUST
GET THAT.
258
00:11:28,017 --> 00:11:29,295
OH, HI THERE.
259
00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:30,415
HELLO.
OH, HI GUYS,
COME ON IN.
260
00:11:30,417 --> 00:11:31,568
HELLO, VICAR.
261
00:11:31,570 --> 00:11:33,072
COME ON IN.
262
00:11:44,625 --> 00:11:48,303
SO...HAVE YOU ALL
HAD A GO AT YOUR
LETTERS TO THE P.M.?
263
00:11:48,305 --> 00:11:50,383
YES, WE'VE
CERTAINLY ALL
HAD A STAB.
264
00:11:50,385 --> 00:11:52,272
EXCELLENT.
FIRE AWAY THEN.
FRANK?
265
00:11:52,274 --> 00:11:55,472
"DEAR PRIME MINISTER,
I'M VERY SORRY
TO TAKE UP YOUR TIME,
266
00:11:55,474 --> 00:11:57,680
"BUT THANK YOU
VERY MUCH
267
00:11:57,682 --> 00:11:59,823
FOR SPARING A MOMENT
TO READ THIS LETTER."
268
00:11:59,825 --> 00:12:03,120
EXCELLENT.
NICE AND POLITE.
GET ON HIS RIGHT SIDE.
269
00:12:03,122 --> 00:12:04,687
"IT'S HARD
FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME
270
00:12:04,689 --> 00:12:06,128
"TO IMAGINE
JUST HOW BUSY
271
00:12:06,130 --> 00:12:07,695
SOMEONE LIKE YOU
MUST BE."
272
00:12:07,697 --> 00:12:08,880
GOOD...
273
00:12:08,882 --> 00:12:10,768
"THINK OF THE WIDE
RANGE OF THINGS
274
00:12:10,770 --> 00:12:12,527
"THAT MUST BE
ON YOUR MIND,
275
00:12:12,529 --> 00:12:15,472
"FROM THE STATE
OF THE NATIONAL
HEALTH SERVICE,
276
00:12:15,474 --> 00:12:17,167
"TO THE
PERMANENT WORRY
277
00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:20,848
OVER WHICH TIE TO WEAR
ON BIG OCCASIONS."
278
00:12:20,850 --> 00:12:22,863
YES, I THINK
YOU MIGHT BE
279
00:12:22,865 --> 00:12:24,720
LOSING HIM
A BIT NOW, FRANK.
280
00:12:24,722 --> 00:12:28,176
"I REMEMBER WHEN
I WAS AT SCHOOL...
281
00:12:30,386 --> 00:12:35,024
"MY FIRST TEACHER
WAS A MAN CALLED
MR. GREENWOOD."
282
00:12:35,026 --> 00:12:37,135
CAN I JUST INTERRUPT
YOU THERE A SECOND,
FRANK?
283
00:12:37,137 --> 00:12:40,015
JUST A BALLPARK FIGURE--
EXACTLY HOW LONG
IS THIS LETTER?
284
00:12:40,017 --> 00:12:42,096
118 PAGES.
285
00:12:44,498 --> 00:12:46,575
BUT IT'S NOT
FINISHED YET.
286
00:12:46,577 --> 00:12:50,160
RIGHT, AND THUS FAR,
HAVE YOU MENTIONED
AFRICA OR POVERTY YET?
287
00:12:50,162 --> 00:12:51,440
NO, NOT YET.
288
00:12:51,441 --> 00:12:52,591
RIGHT, WELL,
PERHAPS WHEN YOU DO,
289
00:12:52,593 --> 00:12:53,616
YOU COULD
LET US KNOW.
290
00:12:53,617 --> 00:12:56,175
OKAY, OWEN,
HOW DID YOU DO?
291
00:12:56,177 --> 00:12:59,152
WELL, I'M AFRAID
I HAVEN'T WRITTEN
AS MUCH AS FRANK.
292
00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:00,848
I THINK THAT'S
A GOOD THING.
293
00:13:00,850 --> 00:13:03,055
( clears throat )
294
00:13:04,977 --> 00:13:06,608
"DEAR PRIME
MINISTER..."
295
00:13:06,610 --> 00:13:08,335
GOOD START.
296
00:13:08,337 --> 00:13:11,599
"LISTEN UP,
YOU STUPID PRICK..."
297
00:13:16,145 --> 00:13:18,735
I SMELL A TINY
PROBLEM THERE.
298
00:13:18,737 --> 00:13:20,559
YES, WELL,
I THOUGHT HE MUST GET
A LOT OF LETTERS
299
00:13:20,561 --> 00:13:22,959
AND I SHOULD GRAB
HIS ATTENTION RIGHT
FROM THE BEGINNING.
300
00:13:22,961 --> 00:13:25,743
GOOD POINT. I THINK THAT
MIGHT BE A LITTLE BIT
COUNTERPRODUCTIVE,
301
00:13:25,745 --> 00:13:27,311
BUT LET'S SEE
HOW WE CONTINUE.
302
00:13:27,313 --> 00:13:29,231
"DEAR
PRIME MINISTER,
303
00:13:29,233 --> 00:13:31,375
"LISTEN UP,
YOU STUPID PRICK..."
304
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:32,688
YES...
305
00:13:32,690 --> 00:13:36,047
"YOURS SINCERELY,
OWEN NEWITT."
306
00:13:38,705 --> 00:13:39,823
YOU SEEM
TO HAVE MISSED OUT
307
00:13:39,825 --> 00:13:41,775
A CRUCIAL LITTLE BIT
IN THE MIDDLE THERE.
308
00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:42,863
YES, WELL,
I CAN'T SAY
309
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,559
I GAVE IT
A LOT OF TIME.
310
00:13:44,561 --> 00:13:46,159
BUT YOU THINK,
FUNDAMENTALLY,
311
00:13:46,161 --> 00:13:47,919
IT'S ALONG
THE RIGHT LINES?
312
00:13:47,921 --> 00:13:51,984
YEAH, NO, NOT REALLY.
YOU SEE, THE MAIN POINT
OF WRITING THIS LETTER
313
00:13:51,986 --> 00:13:53,712
IS FOR YOU TO TELL
THE PRIME MINISTER
314
00:13:53,714 --> 00:13:55,824
THAT 30 THOUSAND
PEOPLE ARE DYING
315
00:13:55,826 --> 00:13:57,999
OF EXTREME POVERTY
EVERY DAY,
316
00:13:58,001 --> 00:14:00,303
AND YOU WANT HIM
TO DO SOMETHING
ABOUT IT.
317
00:14:00,305 --> 00:14:03,343
OH, YES, I KNEW
I'D FORGOTTEN SOMETHING.
318
00:14:03,345 --> 00:14:05,903
THE DEVIL'S
IN THE DETAIL.
319
00:14:05,905 --> 00:14:07,088
SO, MOVING ON THEN.
320
00:14:07,089 --> 00:14:11,471
JIM, WITH LIMITED
EXPECTATIONS,
WHAT DID YOU DO?
321
00:14:19,345 --> 00:14:21,903
"DEAR
TONY BLAIR,
322
00:14:21,905 --> 00:14:24,847
"OR MARGARET
THATCHER...
323
00:14:27,057 --> 00:14:29,359
DELETE
AS APPLICABLE."
324
00:14:31,314 --> 00:14:34,447
NO, I PROMISE YOU,
IT'S DEFINITELY
TONY BLAIR.
325
00:14:34,449 --> 00:14:36,847
ALL RIGHT.
RIGHT.
326
00:14:36,849 --> 00:14:42,576
"DEAR TONY BLAIR,
DELETE AS APPLICABLE."
327
00:14:42,578 --> 00:14:44,688
NO, WE'VE DELETED
"AS APPLICABLE,"
HAVEN'T WE,
328
00:14:44,690 --> 00:14:46,416
SO IT'S JUST
"DEAR TONY BLAIR."
329
00:14:46,418 --> 00:14:49,423
"DEAR TONY BLAIR,
330
00:14:49,425 --> 00:14:57,135
"NO--NO--NO--NO--
NO MORE CHILDREN DYING,
331
00:14:57,137 --> 00:15:00,975
"WHEN WE DO ACTUALLY
KNOW--KNOW--
332
00:15:00,977 --> 00:15:03,983
"KNOW HOW TO SAVE
THEIR LIVES.
333
00:15:03,985 --> 00:15:09,039
"NO--NO--
NO EXCUSES.
334
00:15:10,674 --> 00:15:12,175
"NO--
335
00:15:12,177 --> 00:15:13,839
NO MORE.
336
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:22,288
YOURS SINCERELY,
JIM TROTT."
337
00:15:22,290 --> 00:15:26,511
WELL, THAT'S
PRETTY MUCH IT,
ACTUALLY, JIM.
338
00:15:26,513 --> 00:15:29,359
IT'S A BIT BRIEF,
BUT THAT IS THE
LONG AND SHORT OF IT.
339
00:15:29,361 --> 00:15:30,351
WELL DONE.
340
00:15:34,961 --> 00:15:36,336
WHAT ARE
YOU READING?
341
00:15:36,338 --> 00:15:38,256
THE BOOK OF GUINNESS
WORLD RECORDS.
342
00:15:38,258 --> 00:15:40,303
I'M LOOKING UP THE
OLDEST PERSON EVER
TO HAVE A BABY,
343
00:15:40,305 --> 00:15:41,967
AND IT'S ROSANNA
DELLA CORTE,
344
00:15:41,969 --> 00:15:43,920
WHO GAVE BIRTH
WHEN SHE WAS 63.
345
00:15:43,922 --> 00:15:45,295
WHY ON EARTH
ARE YOU DOING THAT?
346
00:15:45,297 --> 00:15:46,255
WELL, I'M JUST
TRYING TO FIND
347
00:15:46,257 --> 00:15:48,079
CONSOLING FACTS
FOR THE VICAR.
348
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,415
SHE SEEMED RATHER UPSET
ABOUT HER BIRTHDAY.
349
00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:52,783
OH, THE FUSS WOMEN MAKE
ABOUT LITTLE THINGS.
350
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,159
WHEN WOULD YOU
EVER FIND A MAN
351
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:56,271
GETTING ALL MOODY
ABOUT SOMETHING
SO TRIVIAL?
352
00:15:56,273 --> 00:15:57,519
GOOD POINT.
353
00:15:57,521 --> 00:15:58,735
BUT REMIND ME, FATHER,
WHAT DID YOU DO
354
00:15:58,737 --> 00:16:00,495
WHEN GERALD SIMS
CALLED YOU "BALDY"?
355
00:16:00,497 --> 00:16:01,647
I FIRED HIM.
356
00:16:01,649 --> 00:16:03,183
AND THEN WHEN HE SAID,
"WHEN IT'S HOT,
357
00:16:03,185 --> 00:16:04,176
"CAN I COME ROUND
AND FRY AN EGG
358
00:16:04,178 --> 00:16:05,551
ON YOUR BRIGHT
RED BALD PATCH?"
359
00:16:05,553 --> 00:16:06,991
I HEAD-BUTTED HIM.
360
00:16:06,993 --> 00:16:08,239
TWICE.
361
00:16:08,241 --> 00:16:10,671
WELL, THERE WASN'T
ANY BLOOD THE FIRST TIME.
362
00:16:10,673 --> 00:16:13,615
LOOK, WHAT EXACTLY
IS YOUR POINT, HUGO?
363
00:16:13,617 --> 00:16:15,982
WELL, I'M JUST SAYING
WE'RE ALL SENSITIVE
ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS,
364
00:16:15,984 --> 00:16:17,583
AND IT'S FAIR ENOUGH
FOR THE VICAR
365
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:19,503
TO BE WORRIED
ABOUT GETTING OLDER.
366
00:16:19,505 --> 00:16:22,031
SHE'S 40,
SHE HASN'T GOT
ANY CHILDREN,
367
00:16:22,033 --> 00:16:23,566
AND SHE HASN'T GOT
A MAN WHO LOVES HER.
368
00:16:23,568 --> 00:16:25,839
OWEN DOESN'T COUNT?
369
00:16:25,841 --> 00:16:28,176
NO, OWEN IS MORE BEAST
THAN HUMAN.
370
00:16:28,178 --> 00:16:30,191
YES, TRUE, YES.
371
00:16:30,192 --> 00:16:31,471
HELLO, DARLING.
372
00:16:31,473 --> 00:16:32,751
( kissy noises )
373
00:16:32,753 --> 00:16:33,903
HELLO,
374
00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:37,455
GRUMPY OLD GRANDPA
BILLIARD-BALL HEAD.
375
00:16:37,457 --> 00:16:38,926
HELLO, ALICE.
376
00:16:38,928 --> 00:16:40,751
LOOK, WE
SERIOUSLY DO HAVE
TO DO SOMETHING
377
00:16:40,752 --> 00:16:42,255
ABOUT GERALDINE'S
BIRTHDAY.
378
00:16:42,257 --> 00:16:43,695
SHE SAID
WE SHOULD
IGNORE IT.
379
00:16:43,697 --> 00:16:45,423
I KNOW, BUT IF WE
DO IGNORE IT,
380
00:16:45,425 --> 00:16:47,471
IT'LL ONLY BE WORSE.
IT'S LIKE...
381
00:16:47,472 --> 00:16:48,782
DAMNED IF WE DO,
DAMNED IF WE DON'T.
382
00:16:48,784 --> 00:16:51,055
NO, NO, NO, NO,
IT'S LIKE...
383
00:16:51,057 --> 00:16:52,495
BETWEEN THE DEVIL
AND THE DEEP BLUE SEA?
384
00:16:52,497 --> 00:16:56,783
NO, IT'S--
IT'S LIKE CYSTITIS.
385
00:16:56,785 --> 00:17:00,751
IF YOU IGNORE IT,
IT ONLY GETS WORSE.
386
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:03,119
SOMETIMES I WISH
I WAS DEAD.
387
00:17:03,121 --> 00:17:04,975
SO I THOUGHT
WE SHOULD HOLD
A MEETING,
388
00:17:04,977 --> 00:17:06,543
YOU KNOW,
JUST TO SORT
THINGS OUT.
389
00:17:06,545 --> 00:17:08,111
WHERE?
I THOUGHT HERE.
390
00:17:08,113 --> 00:17:09,775
WHEN?
( door bell rings )
391
00:17:09,777 --> 00:17:12,143
NOW.
392
00:17:12,145 --> 00:17:15,887
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, BISHOP.
40'S FINE, ISN'T IT?
393
00:17:15,889 --> 00:17:19,183
IT'S 50 THAT'S
THE SHITTY ONE!
394
00:17:19,185 --> 00:17:20,783
HOW OLD ARE YOU,
BY THE WAY?
395
00:17:20,785 --> 00:17:22,095
54.
396
00:17:22,097 --> 00:17:25,039
RIGHT.
AND HOW OLD'S TODD?
397
00:17:25,041 --> 00:17:28,304
IS HE, 22?
GOODNESS GRACIOUS.
398
00:17:28,305 --> 00:17:31,599
YOU MUST BE EXHAUSTED.
399
00:17:31,601 --> 00:17:34,735
LOOK, I'VE GOT TO GO,
UM, YEAH, MY EGG'S
GETTING COLD.
400
00:17:34,737 --> 00:17:37,742
OKAY. OKAY,
THANKS. BYE.
401
00:17:37,744 --> 00:17:40,080
22!
402
00:17:43,248 --> 00:17:47,023
( woman's voice on radio )
YES, YES. AND THIS YEAR
I REACHED THE BIG FOUR-O,
403
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:49,328
AND I THOUGHT,
IT'S OKAY,
IT REALLY IS.
404
00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:51,248
GOOD ON YA, SISTER.
405
00:17:51,249 --> 00:17:53,391
YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
THERE'S NOTHING
TO BE SCARED OF.
406
00:17:53,393 --> 00:17:55,951
YEAH, QUITE RIGHT,
YOU CLEVER WOMAN.
407
00:17:55,953 --> 00:17:57,327
AND NOW I CAN
JUST SIT BACK
408
00:17:57,329 --> 00:18:00,143
AND ENJOY MY
ADORABLE,
SEXY HUSBAND,
409
00:18:00,145 --> 00:18:01,486
MY THREE WONDERFUL
CHILDREN,
410
00:18:01,488 --> 00:18:02,863
AND ALL THE BENEFITS
THAT COME
411
00:18:02,865 --> 00:18:04,495
FROM A MULTI-MILLION
POUND BUSINESS.
412
00:18:04,497 --> 00:18:07,887
YEAH, ALL RIGHT!
SHUT IT,
YOU GREEDY WITCH!
413
00:18:09,617 --> 00:18:11,855
ORDER.
414
00:18:11,857 --> 00:18:14,830
ORDER! I'M
IN THE CHAIR.
415
00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:17,551
NOW, I KNOW THE VICAR
DOESN'T WANT A PARTY,
416
00:18:17,553 --> 00:18:19,919
BUT WE'VE AT LEAST
GOT TO GET HER
A PRESENT.
417
00:18:19,921 --> 00:18:22,255
HMM? ANY IDEAS
ON WHAT SHE MIGHT LIKE?
418
00:18:22,257 --> 00:18:24,079
MEL GIBSON.
419
00:18:24,081 --> 00:18:25,231
OH.
420
00:18:25,233 --> 00:18:26,735
David: YOU THINK YOU CAN
BUY MEL GIBSON?
421
00:18:26,737 --> 00:18:28,303
NO--NO--NO--NO,
422
00:18:28,305 --> 00:18:31,055
BUT YOU MIGHT
BE ABLE TO RENT HIM
FOR AN HOUR OR TWO.
423
00:18:31,057 --> 00:18:34,703
OF COURSE,
HE'S VERY KEEN
ON THE CHURCH.
424
00:18:34,705 --> 00:18:37,039
HE MADE THAT FILM
ABOUT JESUS.
425
00:18:37,041 --> 00:18:38,222
OH, THE PASSION
OF THE CHRIST.
426
00:18:38,224 --> 00:18:40,655
THAT FILM MADE ME
VERY ANGRY.
ME TOO.
427
00:18:40,657 --> 00:18:43,343
AN 18-CERTIFICATE FILM
WITH THE WORD "PASSION"
IN THE TITLE,
428
00:18:43,344 --> 00:18:47,119
AND NOT ONE SCENE
OF GRATUITOUS SEX.
429
00:18:47,121 --> 00:18:49,423
I'VE COMPLAINED
TO TRADING STANDARDS.
430
00:18:49,425 --> 00:18:50,895
SO WHAT ARE
YOU SAYING,
431
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:52,430
JUST BECAUSE HE MADE
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST,
432
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:53,871
YOU THINK MEL GIBSON
WOULD BE HAPPY
433
00:18:53,873 --> 00:18:56,110
TO COME ROUND
AND BONK OUR VICAR?
434
00:18:56,112 --> 00:18:57,743
WELL, STRANGER THINGS
HAVE HAPPENED.
435
00:18:57,744 --> 00:18:59,695
NO, THEY
HAVEN'T.
436
00:18:59,697 --> 00:19:02,415
WHATEVER,
WE MUST
DO SOMETHING,
437
00:19:02,417 --> 00:19:03,886
WE LOVE HER
SO MUCH.
438
00:19:03,888 --> 00:19:05,135
( door bell rings )
I'LL GET IT,
439
00:19:05,137 --> 00:19:07,119
KEEP THINKING,
CLEVER CLOGGSIES.
440
00:19:07,121 --> 00:19:09,167
YES.
441
00:19:12,528 --> 00:19:13,486
OH, HI.
HI, ALICE.
442
00:19:13,488 --> 00:19:14,735
I'VE JUST
BEEN LISTENING
443
00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:16,591
TO THIS SMUG COW
ON THE RADIO,
444
00:19:16,592 --> 00:19:19,631
AND SHE'S LEFT ME FEELING
UTTERLY DESOLATE
AND UNFULFILLED.
445
00:19:19,633 --> 00:19:21,326
I WAS JUST WONDERING
IF I COULD COME IN
446
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:22,735
AND BE SURROUNDED
BY LOVING FRIENDS?
447
00:19:22,737 --> 00:19:25,102
NOT REALLY,
IT'S A BAD TIME.
448
00:19:28,144 --> 00:19:31,342
ANY THOUGHTS,
EINSTEINIES?
449
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:34,447
WELL, I THOUGHT
MAYBE SOME SORT
OF CREAM.
450
00:19:34,449 --> 00:19:38,031
OH, YES, YES,
THAT SOUNDS
VERY FRUITY.
451
00:19:38,033 --> 00:19:41,486
I MEAN,
MORE THE SORT
OF ANTI-AGEING CREAM.
452
00:19:41,488 --> 00:19:43,246
THAT ONE YOU SEE
ON TELEVISION--
453
00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:47,182
REMOVES ALL
SEVEN SIGNS OF AGEING.
454
00:19:47,184 --> 00:19:48,431
THAT IS
A VERY GOOD IDEA.
455
00:19:48,433 --> 00:19:49,647
WE'LL DEFINITELY
GET SOME OF THAT.
456
00:19:49,649 --> 00:19:51,182
BRAVO, FRANK.
457
00:19:51,184 --> 00:19:52,942
WHAT ARE
THE SEVEN SIGNS
OF AGEING, THEN?
458
00:19:52,944 --> 00:19:55,886
GOOD QUESTION.
THEY NEVER TELL YOU
ON THE ADS.
459
00:19:55,888 --> 00:19:58,606
WELL, WRINKLES,
THAT WOULD BE ONE.
460
00:19:58,608 --> 00:20:00,079
YES, AND HAIR LOSS.
461
00:20:00,081 --> 00:20:01,390
OH, RIGHT.
462
00:20:03,472 --> 00:20:05,807
AND TOOTH LOSS,
I SUPPOSE.
463
00:20:05,808 --> 00:20:07,150
NICE ONE, OWEN.
464
00:20:07,152 --> 00:20:08,270
AND BREAST SAG.
465
00:20:08,272 --> 00:20:09,967
OH, DON'T TELL ME.
466
00:20:09,969 --> 00:20:11,054
HOW MANY'S
THAT?
467
00:20:11,056 --> 00:20:12,335
THAT'S FOUR.
THREE TO GO.
468
00:20:12,337 --> 00:20:14,415
WHAT ABOUT
ARSE SAG?
469
00:20:14,417 --> 00:20:15,375
FIVE.
470
00:20:15,377 --> 00:20:16,655
SENILITY.
471
00:20:16,657 --> 00:20:18,159
WHAT'S THAT?
472
00:20:18,161 --> 00:20:20,206
WHEN YOUR BRAIN
GOES WONKY
473
00:20:20,208 --> 00:20:23,343
AND YOU CAN'T, SAY...
( babbles )
474
00:20:23,344 --> 00:20:24,430
SORRY,
WHERE WAS I?
475
00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:26,735
SENILITY IS SIX.
WHAT ABOUT SEVEN?
476
00:20:26,737 --> 00:20:27,759
I'VE GOT IT.
477
00:20:27,761 --> 00:20:30,414
OH, WHAT, JIM?
ACTUALLY DYING.
478
00:20:32,336 --> 00:20:34,702
THAT'S DEFINITELY
A SIGN OF AGEING.
479
00:20:34,704 --> 00:20:36,399
SEVEN,
THAT IS IT!
480
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:38,319
WELL DONE, EVERYONE!
481
00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:40,335
MUST BE ONE HELL
OF A CREAM.
482
00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:45,518
WAIT A MINUTE,
I HAVE HAD
A BRILLIANT IDEA.
483
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:46,766
OH, DEAR.
484
00:20:46,768 --> 00:20:48,622
NO, NO, NO, NO,
I KNOW IT'S NOT
VERY LIKELY,
485
00:20:48,624 --> 00:20:50,414
'CAUSE I'VE HAD
SOME BAD ONES
BEFORE...
486
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:53,806
THE TIME MACHINE
MADE OUT OF WEETABIX.
487
00:20:53,808 --> 00:20:57,038
FOR EXAMPLE.
NO, BUT THIS TIME
I THINK I'VE HAD
488
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,407
A GENUINELY
BRILLIANT IDEA.
489
00:20:59,409 --> 00:21:02,319
WHAT DOES GERALDINE
MOST NEED?
490
00:21:02,321 --> 00:21:03,982
A VERGER
WITH A BRAIN?
491
00:21:03,984 --> 00:21:04,942
NO.
492
00:21:04,944 --> 00:21:06,575
A GOOD SEEING-TO?
GETTING CLOSE.
493
00:21:06,577 --> 00:21:08,079
A BOYFRIEND.
494
00:21:08,081 --> 00:21:10,415
SOMEONE TO GIVE HER
A GOOD SEEING-TO
ONCE IN A WHILE,
495
00:21:10,417 --> 00:21:12,782
BUT THE REST
OF THE TIME
TO BE A SOUL MATE
496
00:21:12,784 --> 00:21:14,383
AND A COMPANION
THROUGH THE STORMY
497
00:21:14,385 --> 00:21:16,334
AND IRRATIONAL SEAS
OF MODERN-DAY LIFE.
498
00:21:16,336 --> 00:21:20,751
EXACTLY.
AND HOW DO WE GET
A BOYFRIEND THESE DAYS?
499
00:21:20,753 --> 00:21:24,270
BLO--BLO--BLO--
BLOWJOBS, I'VE HEARD.
500
00:21:26,224 --> 00:21:29,230
NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, BY DATING.
501
00:21:29,232 --> 00:21:31,375
BUT NOT
LIKE DATING
IN OUR DAY,
502
00:21:31,377 --> 00:21:33,007
BUT SPEED-DATING.
503
00:21:33,009 --> 00:21:36,558
IT'S WHERE,
LIKE, 30 REALLY
ATTRACTIVE MEN
504
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:40,142
AND 30 REALLY STUNNING
SINGLE GIRLS MEET,
505
00:21:40,144 --> 00:21:42,158
AND THEY CHAT FOR
ABOUT FIVE MINUTES EACH,
506
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:43,470
AND THEN AT THE END
OF THE EVENING,
507
00:21:43,472 --> 00:21:45,679
THEY DECIDE
WHO THEY WANT
TO GO OUT WITH.
508
00:21:45,681 --> 00:21:47,855
THAT REALLY DOES SOUND
PRETTY GOOD, ACTUALLY.
509
00:21:47,857 --> 00:21:50,606
AND WE COULD ENROL HER
IN ONE OF THOSE
ON HER BIRTHDAY,
510
00:21:50,608 --> 00:21:52,974
AND SHE'D BE CERTAIN
TO FIND A BOYFRIEND,
511
00:21:52,976 --> 00:21:55,790
AND ALL HER PROBLEMS
WOULD BE OVER.
512
00:21:55,792 --> 00:21:56,750
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
513
00:21:56,752 --> 00:21:57,839
I THINK
IT'S BRILLIANT.
514
00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,534
ALL THOSE
IN FAVOUR?
515
00:22:00,881 --> 00:22:02,734
MAYBE BREASTFEEDING
REALLY DOES MAKE YOU SMARTER.
516
00:22:02,736 --> 00:22:05,230
IN WHICH CASE, I MUST BE
THE CLEVEREST WOMAN
517
00:22:05,232 --> 00:22:09,294
IN THE UNITED KINGDOM
OF GREAT...BRITISH.
518
00:22:11,344 --> 00:22:12,942
MAYBE NOT.
519
00:22:14,448 --> 00:22:16,591
WHAT
DO YOU THINK?
520
00:22:16,593 --> 00:22:18,638
WELL, AT FIRST
I WAS ANGRY,
521
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,846
BECAUSE I DID SAY
"NO PRESENTS,"
DIDN'T I?
522
00:22:20,848 --> 00:22:23,438
YES, WELL,
WE DISAGREED.
523
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:24,398
AND THEN
I WAS INSULTED,
524
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:25,518
BECAUSE IT
MADE ME FEEL
525
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:26,990
LIKE A DESPERATE
OLD SPINSTER.
526
00:22:26,992 --> 00:22:28,494
YES,
THAT'S RIGHT.
527
00:22:28,496 --> 00:22:30,414
AND THEN
I WAS SUSPICIOUS,
528
00:22:30,416 --> 00:22:32,238
BECAUSE IT CAN'T COST
MORE THAN A TENNER
529
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:35,502
TO ENROL IN SUZIE'S
SPEED DATING EXTRAVAGANZA,
530
00:22:35,504 --> 00:22:38,222
WHICH MEANS EACH OF YOU
GOT OFF WITH TWO QUID.
531
00:22:38,224 --> 00:22:41,903
£1.50, ACTUALLY.
532
00:22:41,904 --> 00:22:46,415
BUT ON FOURTH THOUGHT,
CAN'T DENY IT,
533
00:22:46,417 --> 00:22:48,718
I'M PRETTY EXCITED.
534
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,246
BRING ON THE BOYS.
535
00:22:51,248 --> 00:22:53,391
THE BABE IN BLACK
IS BACK!
536
00:22:53,393 --> 00:22:54,574
All: OOH!
537
00:22:55,952 --> 00:22:57,167
YOU CAN DO IT.
538
00:22:57,169 --> 00:22:58,127
BYE. BYE.
BYE, JIM.
539
00:22:58,129 --> 00:23:00,078
GOOD NIGHT, VICAR.
GOOD LUCK, GIRL.
540
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,831
THANKS.
BYE, DAVID.
541
00:23:02,833 --> 00:23:05,326
UM, I JUST WANT TO
OWN UP TO THE FACT
542
00:23:05,328 --> 00:23:08,366
THAT I WON'T BE SIGNING
THE LIVE AID LETTER.
543
00:23:08,368 --> 00:23:09,966
IT'S POINTLESS.
544
00:23:09,968 --> 00:23:12,654
WHAT POSSIBLE
DIFFERENCE CAN IT MAKE TO
THE PRIME MINISTER?
545
00:23:12,656 --> 00:23:14,798
WELL, IT MIGHT SHOW
THAT WE CARE.
546
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,838
BUT DO WE?
NOT DOWN MY WAY.
547
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:19,406
VERY OFTEN WE FINISH
A ROUND OF GOLF
548
00:23:19,408 --> 00:23:20,750
AND PEOPLE ARE SAYING,
549
00:23:20,752 --> 00:23:22,446
"I CAN'T BELIEVE
THEY'RE PUTTING IN
550
00:23:22,448 --> 00:23:24,494
A NEW TRAFFIC LIGHT
NEAR SAINSBURY'S."
551
00:23:24,496 --> 00:23:26,190
VERY RARELY
DO THEY SAY,
552
00:23:26,192 --> 00:23:29,486
"I'M FURIOUS
AT THE LEVEL OF AID
TO BURKINA FASO."
553
00:23:29,488 --> 00:23:32,878
WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
THEY DON'T SPEND
ANY TIME IN BURKINA FASO.
554
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,726
PERHAPS IF THEY STOPPED TO
THINK THAT 30,000 POOR PEOPLE
555
00:23:35,728 --> 00:23:38,286
ARE DYING UNNECESSARILY
EVERY DAY--
556
00:23:38,288 --> 00:23:41,358
THEY'RE NOT REALLY
PUTTING A TRAFFIC LIGHT
557
00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:43,022
OUTSIDE SAINSBURY'S,
ARE THEY?!
558
00:23:43,024 --> 00:23:44,015
THEY ARE.
559
00:23:44,017 --> 00:23:45,806
BUT THE TRAFFIC
IS HELL THERE,
ANYWAY.
560
00:23:45,808 --> 00:23:47,726
EVERY TIME I GO
TO THE TRAIN STATION
561
00:23:47,728 --> 00:23:49,230
I HAVE TO LEAVE
45 MINUTES EARLY.
562
00:23:49,232 --> 00:23:51,118
IT'S ONLY AN
11-MINUTE DRIVE.
563
00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:52,751
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
TELL ME. I'M THE ONE
WHO HAS TO COMMUTE.
564
00:23:52,753 --> 00:23:56,942
THAT'S SHOCKING!
ABSOLUTELY DREADFUL.
565
00:23:56,944 --> 00:23:58,511
( sighs )
566
00:23:58,513 --> 00:24:00,814
SORRY,
WHERE WERE WE?
567
00:24:00,816 --> 00:24:02,063
BURKINA FASO.
568
00:24:02,065 --> 00:24:04,238
YES, WHAT ABOUT IT?
569
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,030
30,000 PEOPLE
DYING EVERY DAY.
570
00:24:06,032 --> 00:24:07,855
OH, RIGHT,
YES, YES.
571
00:24:07,856 --> 00:24:10,126
ACTUALLY, THINK
ABOUT THAT, DAVID,
572
00:24:10,128 --> 00:24:13,326
THAT'S 30 TIMES
THE POPULATION
OF THIS VILLAGE...
573
00:24:13,328 --> 00:24:14,798
EVERY DAY.
574
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,550
EVERYONE
IN THIS VILLAGE, DEAD.
575
00:24:17,552 --> 00:24:19,470
YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME
THAT'S A BAD THING?
576
00:24:19,472 --> 00:24:21,742
POINT TAKEN,
BUT...
577
00:24:21,744 --> 00:24:24,431
OWEN DEAD,
JIM DEAD,
578
00:24:24,432 --> 00:24:27,375
MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
TRAGICALLY STRUCK DOWN.
579
00:24:27,377 --> 00:24:30,158
WHAT ABOUT
YOUR GRANDCHILDREN?
580
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:35,374
YES, WELL...
OBVIOUSLY,
I'M ONLY JOKING.
581
00:24:35,376 --> 00:24:38,222
LET'S NOT JOKE
FOR A WHILE.
582
00:24:38,223 --> 00:24:39,982
YOU DON'T HONESTLY
THINK THAT PEOPLE
IN POORER COUNTRIES
583
00:24:39,984 --> 00:24:41,902
LOVE THEIR CHILDREN
LESS THAN WE DO?
584
00:24:41,904 --> 00:24:43,150
OF COURSE NOT.
585
00:24:43,152 --> 00:24:45,838
AND IF YOUR GRANDCHILD
WAS DYING, GOD FORBID,
586
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,206
OR ABANDONED AND ALONE,
WOULDN'T YOU LOVE TO THINK
587
00:24:48,208 --> 00:24:50,926
THAT SOMEONE SOMEWHERE
THAT YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
588
00:24:50,928 --> 00:24:53,039
WAS REALLY
STICKING UP FOR THEM?
589
00:24:53,041 --> 00:24:55,662
YES, THAT
WOULD BE NICE.
590
00:24:55,664 --> 00:24:58,510
BUT NOT VERY NICE
IF THEY COULDN'T
MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
591
00:24:58,512 --> 00:25:00,270
YEAH, BUT
MAYBE WE CAN.
592
00:25:00,272 --> 00:25:04,878
ONE BIG PUSH THIS YEAR,
AND WE MIGHT JUST
SLICE POVERTY IN HALF.
593
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:06,190
WELL...
594
00:25:06,192 --> 00:25:07,791
MAYBE.
595
00:25:07,793 --> 00:25:11,598
YEAH.
EXACTLY WHERE
OUTSIDE SAINSBURY'S?
596
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,070
RIGHT ON
TURNHAM STREET.
597
00:25:13,072 --> 00:25:15,854
NO!
598
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:22,670
HI, I'M SUZIE.
599
00:25:22,672 --> 00:25:23,885
HELLO.
HI, GERALDINE.
600
00:25:23,887 --> 00:25:25,294
GERALDINE,
NICE TO MEET YOU.
601
00:25:25,296 --> 00:25:26,510
HI.
602
00:25:26,512 --> 00:25:27,758
THERE AREN'T
QUITE AS MANY
603
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,134
AS I MIGHT
HAVE HOPED.
604
00:25:29,136 --> 00:25:30,638
NO.
605
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,582
NOT AS MANY WOMEN,
BUT A GOOD TURNOUT
ON THE MEN FRONT.
606
00:25:33,584 --> 00:25:36,142
OH, WELL, THAT SUITS ME.
LET ME AT 'EM.
607
00:25:36,144 --> 00:25:37,518
YES.
608
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:39,694
THIS IS
MY BIRTHDAY TREAT,
YOU SEE.
609
00:25:39,696 --> 00:25:41,422
OH, LOVELY.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
610
00:25:41,424 --> 00:25:43,214
THANK YOU, YES.
611
00:25:43,216 --> 00:25:45,614
SO, WHERE DO YOU KEEP
THE HEAVENLY HUNKS?
612
00:25:45,616 --> 00:25:48,302
OH, WELL,
WE KEEP THEM SEPARATE
IN ANOTHER ROOM.
613
00:25:48,304 --> 00:25:50,798
DON'T WANT PEOPLE
GETTING TOO FRISKY
BEFOREHAND.
614
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:54,478
ALL RIGHT.
THEY GET FRISKY,
DO THEY? GREAT!
615
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:58,126
DO YOU MIND
IF I SAY SOMETHING
A LITTLE BIT PERSONAL?
616
00:25:58,128 --> 00:26:01,485
OH, WHAT. IT'S
TOO MANY DOUGHNUTS,
ISN'T IT, I KNOW.
617
00:26:01,487 --> 00:26:02,990
NO, NO, IT'S
THE DOG COLLAR.
618
00:26:02,992 --> 00:26:04,686
ARE YOU SURE
IT'S A GOOD IDEA?
619
00:26:04,688 --> 00:26:05,870
SORRY?
620
00:26:05,872 --> 00:26:07,374
IT'S JUST YOU AND I KNOW
621
00:26:07,376 --> 00:26:08,813
THAT UNDER
THAT COLLAR IS A NECK
622
00:26:08,815 --> 00:26:10,798
THAT WANTS TO BE KISSED,
623
00:26:10,799 --> 00:26:13,518
THEN SUCKED 'TILL
THERE'S A BLAZING HICKY
624
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,054
THE SIZE OF MIDDLESEX.
625
00:26:15,056 --> 00:26:19,469
BUT YOUR NORMAL CHAP
MIGHT SEE IT AS A BIT
OF A STOP SIGN.
626
00:26:19,471 --> 00:26:21,389
YOU ARE SO RIGHT
ABOUT THAT.
627
00:26:21,391 --> 00:26:23,534
UM...WELL, I'LL
JUST TAKE IT OFF.
628
00:26:23,536 --> 00:26:24,782
JUST ABSOLUTELY
TAKE IT OFF.
629
00:26:24,784 --> 00:26:27,309
LIKE THAT, THERE.
THAT'S IT, YEAH.
OKAY?
630
00:26:27,311 --> 00:26:28,558
LOVELY.
631
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:29,582
DOESN'T LOOK TOO BRAZEN?
632
00:26:29,584 --> 00:26:31,149
I DON'T WANT
TO APPEAR TO BE
633
00:26:31,151 --> 00:26:33,069
SOME KIND OF CHEAP,
EASY LAY OR ANYTHING.
634
00:26:33,071 --> 00:26:34,606
NO, NO, IT'S
ABSOLUTELY FINE.
635
00:26:34,608 --> 00:26:35,918
OKAY, THANKS.
636
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:37,134
OH, HI, HI,
I'M SUZIE.
637
00:26:37,136 --> 00:26:39,118
I'M HETTY.
HETTY.
638
00:26:39,120 --> 00:26:40,718
ON THE OTHER HAND...
639
00:26:43,792 --> 00:26:45,134
HELLO.
HELLO, HI.
640
00:26:45,136 --> 00:26:47,182
HI, I'M HETTY.
HI.
641
00:26:47,184 --> 00:26:49,998
HI, I'M GERALDINE.
BUT YOU CAN CALL ME
GRANNY.
642
00:26:55,087 --> 00:26:57,518
IT'S FUNNY,
ISN'T IT,
643
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:01,709
MY BOSOMS AND YOUR HIPS
ARE EXACTLY THE SAME HEIGHT.
644
00:27:01,711 --> 00:27:03,502
VIVRE LA DIFFERENCE.
645
00:27:05,232 --> 00:27:06,862
( sighs )
646
00:27:06,864 --> 00:27:08,974
LITTLE BIT SURPRISED
YOU HAVEN'T GOT
A BOYFRIEND ALREADY, HETTY.
647
00:27:08,976 --> 00:27:12,269
WELL NO, ACTUALLY,
I DO HAVE ONE.
648
00:27:12,271 --> 00:27:13,998
IN FACT, THERE'S
A COUPLE OF GUYS
649
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:15,822
WHO I'M HAVING A BIT
OF A SCENE WITH,
650
00:27:15,824 --> 00:27:16,814
BUT I'M NOT
REALLY COMPLETELY
651
00:27:16,816 --> 00:27:17,966
HAPPY WITH
EITHER OF THEM,
652
00:27:17,968 --> 00:27:19,853
SO...I THOUGHT
I'D GIVE THIS A GO.
653
00:27:19,855 --> 00:27:21,550
RIGHT. RIGHT.
654
00:27:21,552 --> 00:27:24,462
( coughing )
GREEDY BITCH, AHEM!
655
00:27:24,464 --> 00:27:26,542
SORRY? SORRY?
656
00:27:26,543 --> 00:27:29,966
NO, JUST
( coughs )
JEZEBEL!
657
00:27:29,968 --> 00:27:32,974
RIGHT, OKAY, WELL,
I THINK WE SHOULD
BE GETTING ON.
658
00:27:32,976 --> 00:27:35,662
SO, UM, WHEN
THE BUZZER GOES,
GIRLS,
659
00:27:35,664 --> 00:27:39,149
YOU MOVE ROOMS,
AND THE GUYS WILL STAY
WHERE THEY ARE, OKAY?
660
00:27:39,151 --> 00:27:41,806
AND THEN AT THE END
WE'LL ALL MEET BACK HERE
FOR A DRINK,
661
00:27:41,808 --> 00:27:45,773
AND ANYONE WHO'S
REALLY GOT ON CAN MAKE...
662
00:27:45,775 --> 00:27:46,797
LOVE?
663
00:27:46,799 --> 00:27:49,070
THEIR OWN
ARRANGEMENTS.
664
00:27:49,072 --> 00:27:51,342
OF COURSE,
OF COURSE, YES.
665
00:27:51,344 --> 00:27:54,254
OKAY,
FOLLOW ME.
666
00:27:54,256 --> 00:27:55,278
OH, LOOK, HETTY,
667
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:58,286
YOU APPEAR TO HAVE LEFT
YOUR BOTTOM AT HOME.
668
00:27:58,288 --> 00:27:59,694
RIGHT, HERE
ARE THE BOOTHS.
669
00:27:59,695 --> 00:28:01,582
STRAIGHT DOWN
TO THE FIRST ONE.
670
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:06,509
HAVE FUN.
671
00:28:08,144 --> 00:28:09,902
WOW!
672
00:28:09,904 --> 00:28:11,502
HELLO.
673
00:28:11,504 --> 00:28:13,518
HI, GERALDINE.
674
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:14,958
STEVE, HOW
ARE YOU DOING?
675
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,069
RIGHT, I'M FINE,
THANKS, YES. STEVE.
676
00:28:17,071 --> 00:28:18,798
YEAH.
WOW.
677
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,493
SO, WHAT DO YOU DO?
678
00:28:20,495 --> 00:28:22,253
YOU A MALE MODEL
OR SOMETHING?
679
00:28:22,255 --> 00:28:23,950
OH, WELL, YEAH.
680
00:28:23,952 --> 00:28:25,070
ARE YOU?
681
00:28:25,072 --> 00:28:26,925
YEAH.
WELL,
I'M NOT SURPRISED.
682
00:28:26,927 --> 00:28:31,725
I AM A BIT SURPRISED
THAT YOU HAVEN'T GOT
A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY.
683
00:28:31,727 --> 00:28:34,733
A LOT OF THE GIRLS
IN MY LINE OF WORK
ARE VERY SHALLOW.
684
00:28:34,735 --> 00:28:36,206
ARE THEY?
685
00:28:36,208 --> 00:28:39,470
YEAH. THEY'RE ALL
BLONDE AND NO BRAINS
AND BIG BOOBS AND...
686
00:28:39,472 --> 00:28:42,029
I'M JUST LOOKING
FOR A REAL WOMAN,
YOU KNOW,
687
00:28:42,031 --> 00:28:44,142
SOMEONE I CAN
HAVE A LIFE WITH,
A WOMAN OF SUBSTANCE,
688
00:28:44,144 --> 00:28:46,382
NOT SOMEONE THAT YOU JUST
SHAG A COUPLE OF TIMES,
689
00:28:46,383 --> 00:28:48,078
HAVE INCREDIBLE,
AMAZING SEX WITH,
690
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:50,189
AND MOVE ON FROM,
YOU KNOW.
691
00:28:50,191 --> 00:28:52,173
I'M LOOKING FOR
COMMITMENT, REALLY.
692
00:28:52,175 --> 00:28:53,262
ME TOO.
693
00:28:53,264 --> 00:28:54,509
REALLY?
694
00:28:54,511 --> 00:28:55,694
YEAH.
695
00:28:55,696 --> 00:28:57,869
WELL, ANYWAY,
WHAT ABOUT YOU,
WHAT DO YOU DO?
696
00:28:57,871 --> 00:29:00,653
OH, I'M A VIC--TORIA
CROSS MAKER.
697
00:29:02,224 --> 00:29:03,310
WOW, REALLY?
698
00:29:03,311 --> 00:29:05,902
YEP, THAT'S
WHAT I DO.
699
00:29:05,904 --> 00:29:10,445
MAKE VICTORIA CROSSES,
FULL-TIME JOB. YEAH, YEAH.
700
00:29:10,447 --> 00:29:11,693
WOW. THEY'RE
INCREDIBLY RARE,
THOUGH, AREN'T THEY?
701
00:29:11,695 --> 00:29:14,765
THEY'VE ONLY AWARDED FOUR
IN THE LAST TEN YEARS.
702
00:29:14,767 --> 00:29:16,718
YEAH, WORK'S
PRETTY SLOW
AT THE MOMENT.
703
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:19,213
YEAH. STILL,
MOVING ON,
704
00:29:19,215 --> 00:29:21,133
DON'T WANT TO TALK
ABOUT ME ME ME
ALL THE TIME.
705
00:29:21,135 --> 00:29:23,757
GUESS WHAT.
MY GRANDDAD
WON A VICTORIA CROSS!
706
00:29:23,759 --> 00:29:25,485
NO? DID HE?
YES, YES.
707
00:29:25,487 --> 00:29:26,893
I PROBABLY MADE THAT.
YES.
708
00:29:26,895 --> 00:29:29,966
WHEN I WAS MUCH YOUNGER,
OBVIOUSLY.
709
00:29:29,968 --> 00:29:31,182
OH, COME ON, YOU LOOK
PRETTY YOUNG TO ME.
710
00:29:31,184 --> 00:29:32,750
NO, I DON'T.
YOU DO.
711
00:29:32,752 --> 00:29:34,029
DO I?
YEAH, YOU DO.
712
00:29:34,031 --> 00:29:35,246
DO I? DO YOU THINK?
YOU DO, YOU REALLY...
713
00:29:35,247 --> 00:29:37,101
( buzzer blares )
OH, BOLLOCKS!
714
00:29:37,103 --> 00:29:38,477
SORRY, DID I SAY
BOLLOCKS THEN?
715
00:29:38,479 --> 00:29:40,237
OH, NO, THAT'S
A TERRIBLE THING
716
00:29:40,239 --> 00:29:42,765
FOR A VIC--TORIA
CROSS MAKER TO SAY.
717
00:29:42,767 --> 00:29:45,997
OH, DON'T BE SILLY.
GERALDINE, I REALLY LIKE YOU.
718
00:29:45,999 --> 00:29:47,661
OH, I REALLY HOPE SO.
719
00:29:47,663 --> 00:29:49,965
I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SEEING
A LOT MORE OF YOU LATER.
720
00:29:49,967 --> 00:29:52,621
I'D BETTER GO AND CHECK OUT
THESE OTHER GUYS, THOUGH,
HADN'T I?
721
00:29:52,623 --> 00:29:54,413
I'D BETTER DO THAT.
722
00:30:04,175 --> 00:30:08,685
WOW! BE STILL,
MY BEATING EGGS.
723
00:30:10,767 --> 00:30:13,293
WHAT'S NEXT?
( breathes deeply )
724
00:30:15,151 --> 00:30:16,109
JIM!
725
00:30:16,111 --> 00:30:17,805
YES.
726
00:30:17,807 --> 00:30:20,717
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING
HERE?
727
00:30:20,719 --> 00:30:22,381
WELL, I THOUGHT
IT SOUNDED
RATHER FUN.
728
00:30:22,383 --> 00:30:24,078
IT CERTAINLY
HAS BEEN SO FAR.
729
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,445
THAT OTHER GIRL,
SHE'S A BIT TASTY.
730
00:30:26,447 --> 00:30:28,782
WELL, YES,
SHE'S A BIT ALL BLONDE
731
00:30:28,784 --> 00:30:31,373
AND BOOBS AND
NO BRAINS THOUGH,
DIDN'T YOU THINK?
732
00:30:31,375 --> 00:30:32,622
I MEAN, THERE ARE
A LOT OF MEN
733
00:30:32,624 --> 00:30:34,574
WHO DON'T GO
FOR THAT SORT
OF SHALLOW STUFF.
734
00:30:34,576 --> 00:30:36,877
NO--NO--NO,
THERE AREN'T.
735
00:30:36,879 --> 00:30:38,318
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
736
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:40,398
TOO MANY BUTTONS UNDONE,
NOT ENOUGH?
737
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:44,174
WELL, TRICKY.
I THINK SHE COULD HAVE
UNDONE ANOTHER ONE,
738
00:30:44,175 --> 00:30:46,125
YOU KNOW, REVEAL
HER CLEAVAGE A BIT,
YOU KNOW.
739
00:30:46,127 --> 00:30:47,469
NO, MY BUTTONS, JIM.
740
00:30:47,471 --> 00:30:49,965
WHAT ABOUT MY BUTTONS?
WHAT ABOUT MY CLEAVAGE?
741
00:30:49,967 --> 00:30:52,814
WELL, I'M NOT
REALLY BOTHERED,
NOW I'VE SEEN HER.
742
00:30:52,815 --> 00:30:54,957
( buzzer blares )
743
00:30:54,959 --> 00:30:56,205
TIME TO MOVE ON.
744
00:30:57,391 --> 00:30:59,438
NO OFFENCE, JIM,
BUT I THINK
745
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:02,509
I CAN SAFELY SAY
THAT YOU'D BETTER NOT
RELY ON ME.
746
00:31:02,511 --> 00:31:04,461
OH, DITTO.
747
00:31:05,935 --> 00:31:08,717
HOW'S IT GOING?
BIT OF A MIXED BAG.
748
00:31:08,719 --> 00:31:11,309
I THINK YOU'LL BE
REALLY IMPRESSED
BY THE NEXT ONE,
749
00:31:11,311 --> 00:31:13,805
WHAT I WOULD CALL
A REAL MAN.
750
00:31:13,807 --> 00:31:16,749
OH. YUMMY.
751
00:31:19,951 --> 00:31:21,069
OWEN.
752
00:31:21,071 --> 00:31:24,142
YOUR ROYAL BABENESS.
753
00:31:24,143 --> 00:31:27,022
WHAT IN HELL'S HELL
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
754
00:31:27,023 --> 00:31:28,557
IT SOUNDED LIKE
MY CUP OF TEA.
755
00:31:28,559 --> 00:31:32,301
LOTS OF DESPERATE WOMEN
LOOKING FOR LOVE
IN A CONFINED AREA.
756
00:31:32,303 --> 00:31:35,469
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE
MY SPECIAL TREAT, ISN'T IT?
757
00:31:35,471 --> 00:31:37,677
YOU KNOW, MEETING
LOTS OF EXCITING MEN.
758
00:31:37,679 --> 00:31:40,237
♪ TA-DA! ♪
759
00:31:40,239 --> 00:31:42,765
WHO DON'T REEK
OF MANURE.
760
00:31:42,767 --> 00:31:45,485
FAIR POINT.
THOUGH THAT OTHER GIRL
DIDN'T SEEM TO NOTICE,
761
00:31:45,487 --> 00:31:47,469
AND SHE WAS A TOTAL
HOT TOTTY.
762
00:31:47,471 --> 00:31:50,637
YES, NOT EVERYONE'S TASTE,
I THINK YOU'LL FIND.
763
00:31:50,639 --> 00:31:52,046
HMM, THAT'S WHAT
YOU THINK.
764
00:31:52,048 --> 00:31:53,133
( buzzer blares )
765
00:31:53,135 --> 00:31:55,022
TIME TO MOVE ON,
MERCIFULLY.
766
00:31:55,024 --> 00:31:56,461
WHAT'S THAT NAME
ON YOUR LAPEL?
767
00:31:56,463 --> 00:31:58,158
BRAD.
768
00:31:58,160 --> 00:31:59,501
BRAD.
769
00:31:59,503 --> 00:32:01,453
( sensual growl )
BRAAAD.
770
00:32:02,479 --> 00:32:05,229
I THOUGHT IT WOULD
MAKE ME SEXIER.
771
00:32:05,231 --> 00:32:07,662
OH, YOU WERE SO WRONG.
772
00:32:07,664 --> 00:32:11,981
RIGHT. LOOK,
YOU CAN BE HONEST,
WHAT ARE MY CHANCES?
773
00:32:11,983 --> 00:32:17,133
IT WOULD BE STAGGERINGLY
OPTIMISTIC TO SAY ZERO.
774
00:32:18,159 --> 00:32:19,341
BETTER THAN USUAL.
775
00:32:21,263 --> 00:32:22,989
THREESOME?
776
00:32:30,831 --> 00:32:32,749
GOOD LUCK IN THERE.
777
00:32:39,919 --> 00:32:41,773
( clears throat )
778
00:32:43,951 --> 00:32:47,118
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE!
779
00:32:47,119 --> 00:32:49,069
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOUR DRESS?
780
00:32:49,071 --> 00:32:51,949
WHAT? OH, YES,
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
781
00:32:51,951 --> 00:32:55,149
BUTTONS KEEP
COMING UNDONE.
782
00:32:55,150 --> 00:32:56,718
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
783
00:32:56,719 --> 00:33:00,558
AND WHAT IN
DEEPEST, SICKEST HELL
ARE YOU WEARING?
784
00:33:00,559 --> 00:33:02,030
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
785
00:33:02,032 --> 00:33:03,565
I DON'T KNOW
WHY I DIDN'T TRY
THIS LOOK YEARS AGO.
786
00:33:03,567 --> 00:33:06,029
BECAUSE YOU WERE SANE
YEARS AGO.
787
00:33:06,031 --> 00:33:09,613
ONE SIMPLE QUESTION,
DAVID--WHY?
788
00:33:09,615 --> 00:33:11,533
WELL, I'M A SINGLE MAN.
I THOUGHT TO MYSELF--
789
00:33:11,535 --> 00:33:13,484
"I'D LIKE TO STAY
THAT WAY"?
790
00:33:13,486 --> 00:33:15,853
NO, I'D LIKE TO MEET
SOME WOMEN.
791
00:33:15,855 --> 00:33:17,197
AND FRIGHTEN THEM.
792
00:33:18,415 --> 00:33:20,366
HOW ARE YOU
GETTING ON?
793
00:33:20,367 --> 00:33:21,805
WELL, NOT GREAT.
794
00:33:21,807 --> 00:33:23,533
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE
MY BIRTHDAY TREAT,
795
00:33:23,535 --> 00:33:26,349
AND SO FAR I'VE SPENT
THE WHOLE EVENING
WITH THE MAD,
796
00:33:26,351 --> 00:33:28,109
THE BALD,
AND THE UGLY.
797
00:33:28,111 --> 00:33:29,613
HAVEN'T YOU MET
ANYONE?
798
00:33:29,615 --> 00:33:33,102
WELL, ACTUALLY, YEAH.
I SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN.
799
00:33:33,103 --> 00:33:36,524
I THINK I MET MR. RIGHT
AT THE VERY BEGINNING.
800
00:33:36,526 --> 00:33:38,157
OH, SURELY
HE'LL GO FOR THAT
GORGEOUS BLONDE
801
00:33:38,159 --> 00:33:39,885
WHO WAS IN HERE
A FEW MINUTES AGO.
802
00:33:39,887 --> 00:33:43,852
I THINK
YOU'LL FIND NOT.
803
00:33:43,854 --> 00:33:46,573
YOU MAY EVEN FIND
A "DO NOT DISTURB" NOTICE
804
00:33:46,575 --> 00:33:49,197
ON THE FRONT
OF THE VICARAGE TONIGHT.
805
00:33:49,199 --> 00:33:53,357
WITH SOME VERY
NAUGHTY NOISES
COMING FROM WITHIN.
806
00:33:56,686 --> 00:33:58,125
RIGHT, WELL,
I APOLOGIZE
807
00:33:58,127 --> 00:33:59,693
FOR THE SLIGHT
LACK OF BALANCE
808
00:33:59,695 --> 00:34:01,132
IN THE NUMBERS,
809
00:34:01,134 --> 00:34:03,565
BUT I THINK
MOST OF YOU
WILL GO AWAY HAPPY.
810
00:34:03,567 --> 00:34:07,148
SO I HAVE A LIST HERE
OF WHO EVERYONE FANCIED,
811
00:34:07,150 --> 00:34:09,453
AND WE HAVE
ONE PERFECT MATCH.
812
00:34:09,455 --> 00:34:10,797
OH...
813
00:34:10,799 --> 00:34:12,429
IT'S ALWAYS OUR DREAM
THAT SOMEONE WILL SAY
814
00:34:12,431 --> 00:34:14,349
"HE'S THE ONE FOR ME,"
815
00:34:14,351 --> 00:34:16,205
AND EXACTLY
THE SAME PERSON WILL SAY
816
00:34:16,207 --> 00:34:19,245
"SHE'S THE ONE FOR ME."
817
00:34:19,247 --> 00:34:23,437
TONIGHT, FOR TWO OF YOU,
THAT DREAM HAS COME TRUE.
818
00:34:23,439 --> 00:34:27,917
SO, STEVE,
I HOPE YOU HAVE
819
00:34:27,919 --> 00:34:30,509
A LOVELY DATE WITH...
820
00:34:30,511 --> 00:34:32,557
HETTY.
821
00:34:32,559 --> 00:34:34,381
HETTY. OH!
822
00:34:39,598 --> 00:34:41,101
OH, THAT'S LOVELY.
823
00:34:41,103 --> 00:34:42,061
THAT'S LOVELY,
YES.
824
00:34:42,063 --> 00:34:43,597
WILL YOU EXCUSE ME
JUST A MOMENT?
825
00:34:43,599 --> 00:34:44,781
OF COURSE.
THANK YOU.
826
00:34:45,743 --> 00:34:46,861
BASTARD!
827
00:34:48,783 --> 00:34:50,221
THANK YOU.
828
00:34:50,223 --> 00:34:51,981
OKAY.
829
00:34:51,983 --> 00:34:54,445
RIGHT, GERALDINE,
NOW YOU.
830
00:34:54,447 --> 00:34:57,293
YOU ACTUALLY
ONLY TICKED STEVE.
831
00:34:57,295 --> 00:34:58,317
YES.
832
00:34:58,319 --> 00:34:59,405
HE'S GONE.
833
00:34:59,406 --> 00:35:00,589
"HE'S GONE."
834
00:35:00,591 --> 00:35:02,701
SO, I'M SURE
YOU CAN BEND
JUST A LITTLE,
835
00:35:02,703 --> 00:35:06,381
CONSIDERING EVERY ONE
OF THESE CHARMING
GENTLEMEN
836
00:35:06,383 --> 00:35:07,628
TICKED YOU
ON THEIR CARDS.
837
00:35:07,630 --> 00:35:09,356
OH, GOD!
838
00:35:09,358 --> 00:35:11,629
SO, WHO
DO YOU CHOOSE,
839
00:35:11,631 --> 00:35:13,773
JIM...
840
00:35:13,775 --> 00:35:16,141
DAVE...
841
00:35:16,143 --> 00:35:19,405
OR BRAD?
842
00:35:19,407 --> 00:35:21,613
THREE SUCH
MAGNIFICENT
SPECIMENS,
843
00:35:21,615 --> 00:35:23,756
WHAT MORE COULD
A WOMAN WANT?
844
00:35:23,758 --> 00:35:25,485
WELL, I MIGHT WANT A MAN
WHO WOULDN'T FRIGHTEN ME
845
00:35:25,487 --> 00:35:26,764
WHEN HE TOOK
HIS CLOTHES OFF.
846
00:35:27,886 --> 00:35:32,109
I MIGHT WANT
A WEDDING RING
AND A BABY.
847
00:35:32,111 --> 00:35:36,397
STILL, YOU CAN'T HAVE
EVERYTHING, CAN YOU?
848
00:35:36,399 --> 00:35:41,261
Female Duet:
♪ I NEVER WILL MARRY ♪
849
00:35:41,263 --> 00:35:46,381
♪ I'LL BE NO MAN'S WIFE ♪
850
00:35:46,383 --> 00:35:51,565
♪ I EXPECT TO LIVE SINGLE ♪
851
00:35:51,567 --> 00:35:56,685
♪ ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE ♪
852
00:35:56,687 --> 00:36:01,261
NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL
A VERY BAD BIRTHDAY.
853
00:36:01,263 --> 00:36:02,893
( doorbell rings )
854
00:36:02,895 --> 00:36:04,717
COMING.
855
00:36:09,551 --> 00:36:10,989
EVENING, VICAR.
856
00:36:10,991 --> 00:36:12,045
GOOD EVENING.
857
00:36:12,047 --> 00:36:14,861
EVENING, VICAR.
HELLO.
858
00:36:19,278 --> 00:36:22,509
SORRY THE DATING WAS
A TOTAL DISASTER,
859
00:36:22,511 --> 00:36:25,389
SO WE'VE COME UP
WITH AN ALTERNATIVE PRESENT.
860
00:36:25,391 --> 00:36:27,116
WHAT, WE'RE GOING TO
DANCE REELS, ARE WE?
861
00:36:27,118 --> 00:36:30,413
NO. WE THOUGHT
YOU MIGHT LIKE A BABY.
862
00:36:30,414 --> 00:36:32,972
AND SINCE YOU CAN'T GET
A MAN TO GIVE YOU ONE,
863
00:36:32,974 --> 00:36:35,789
WE THOUGHT MAYBE HUGO
COULD HELP YOU OUT.
864
00:36:39,279 --> 00:36:41,612
HE'S ALREADY GIVEN ME
EIGHT CHILDREN.
865
00:36:41,614 --> 00:36:42,893
TEN.
866
00:36:42,894 --> 00:36:44,653
TEN CHILDREN,
867
00:36:44,655 --> 00:36:49,325
SO I CAN GUARANTEE
HE IS TOP QUALITY STUFF.
868
00:36:49,327 --> 00:36:51,085
RIGHT.
869
00:36:51,087 --> 00:36:55,117
THOUGH OBVIOUSLY THERE IS
NOTHING SEXUAL ABOUT IT.
870
00:36:55,119 --> 00:36:58,636
HUGO DOESN'T FIND YOU
REMOTELY ATTRACTIVE.
871
00:36:58,638 --> 00:37:01,420
THANKS.
THAT'S NICE TO KNOW.
872
00:37:01,422 --> 00:37:03,532
AND WE KNOW HOW MUCH
YOU LOVE MEL GIBSON,
873
00:37:03,534 --> 00:37:05,773
SO HE'S DRESSED UP
AS BRAVEHEART
874
00:37:05,775 --> 00:37:08,013
JUST TO HELP YOU
GET IN THE MOOD.
875
00:37:08,015 --> 00:37:11,533
RIGHT. IN THE MOOD FOR WHAT?
SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE?
876
00:37:11,535 --> 00:37:13,581
"THEY MAY TAKE OUR LIVES,
877
00:37:13,583 --> 00:37:16,172
BUT THEY WILL NEVER
TAKE OUR FREEDOM."
878
00:37:16,174 --> 00:37:18,253
SORRY ABOUT THE ACCENT.
879
00:37:18,255 --> 00:37:20,365
WELL IT'S BETTER
THAN MEL'S.
880
00:37:20,367 --> 00:37:23,053
THANKS VERY MUCH, LASSIE.
881
00:37:23,055 --> 00:37:27,469
WELL, I--I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY, REALLY.
882
00:37:27,471 --> 00:37:30,061
I'M OBVIOUSLY VERY TOUCHED,
883
00:37:30,063 --> 00:37:32,236
NOT QUITE AS TOUCHED
AS YOU TWO,
884
00:37:32,238 --> 00:37:36,589
BUT I THINK I'M GONNA
HAVE TO SAY NO.
885
00:37:36,591 --> 00:37:39,853
BUT IT'S
OUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT.
886
00:37:39,855 --> 00:37:40,909
( doorbell rings )
887
00:37:40,911 --> 00:37:42,349
OH, SAVED BY THE BELL THERE.
888
00:37:45,167 --> 00:37:47,725
OH. OHH.
889
00:37:49,711 --> 00:37:50,989
RIGHT.
890
00:37:50,991 --> 00:37:52,589
WE'RE HERE AS RESERVES.
891
00:37:52,591 --> 00:37:56,812
IN CASE YOU DON'T FANCY
BEING IMPREGNATED BY HUGO.
892
00:37:58,734 --> 00:37:59,789
MacNEWITT.
893
00:37:59,791 --> 00:38:00,908
MacTROTT.
894
00:38:00,910 --> 00:38:02,476
MacPICKLE.
895
00:38:04,654 --> 00:38:06,989
GO AWAY.
896
00:38:06,991 --> 00:38:08,205
WE CAN'T GO AWAY.
897
00:38:08,207 --> 00:38:09,836
IT'S TIME
FOR THE FINAL MEETING
898
00:38:09,838 --> 00:38:11,917
OF THE "OH, DEAR,
WHAT A PITY,
EVERYBODY'S DYING"
899
00:38:11,919 --> 00:38:13,612
GOODY-GOODY
GUMDROPS GROUP.
900
00:38:13,614 --> 00:38:15,085
OH, YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
901
00:38:15,087 --> 00:38:17,228
LOOK, JUST GO HOME
AND PUT YOUR TROUSERS ON
902
00:38:17,230 --> 00:38:18,829
AND COME BACK IN TEN MINUTES.
903
00:38:18,831 --> 00:38:22,732
I AM NOT HAVING THIS MEETING
WITH THREE RANDY SCOTSMEN
ON HEAT.
904
00:38:22,734 --> 00:38:24,204
WE SHALL RETURN.
905
00:38:24,206 --> 00:38:26,541
WHOO!
OYE-YAH!
906
00:38:32,271 --> 00:38:34,349
OKAY, OKAY.
907
00:38:34,351 --> 00:38:36,813
WELCOME TO THE DIBLEY
POVERTY ACTION COMMITTEE.
908
00:38:36,815 --> 00:38:39,981
TODAY IS THE DAY THAT
WE'RE GOING TO DECIDE EXACTLY
909
00:38:39,983 --> 00:38:41,901
WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO,
AND I HAVE TO SAY,
910
00:38:41,903 --> 00:38:44,781
I'VE BEEN REALLY ENCOURAGED
BY THE IDEAS YOU'VE
GIVEN ME SO FAR.
911
00:38:44,783 --> 00:38:46,413
GOOD.
GOOD.
912
00:38:46,415 --> 00:38:49,709
I'M NOT SAYING THAT THERE
AREN'T SOME COMPLICATIONS.
913
00:38:49,711 --> 00:38:53,229
OWEN, YOUR IDEA OF KILLING ALL
THE RICH PEOPLE IN BRITAIN
914
00:38:53,231 --> 00:38:54,989
AND SPREADING
THEIR MONEY AROUND
915
00:38:54,991 --> 00:38:58,829
HAS ACTUALLY BEEN DONE BEFORE
IN RUSSIA IN THE LAST CENTURY.
916
00:38:58,831 --> 00:39:00,909
AND WHILST IT SEEMED LIKE
QUITE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME,
917
00:39:00,911 --> 00:39:03,277
IT DIDN'T TURN OUT
THAT WELL EVENTUALLY.
918
00:39:03,279 --> 00:39:04,300
PITY.
919
00:39:04,302 --> 00:39:06,476
HOW WERE YOU
GOING TO DEFINE RICH?
920
00:39:06,478 --> 00:39:08,845
ANYONE WITH MORE MONEY
THAN YOU AND HUGO...
921
00:39:08,847 --> 00:39:09,964
THANK GOD
FOR THAT.
922
00:39:09,966 --> 00:39:12,269
...WOULD BE KILLED
ON THE FIRST DAY.
923
00:39:12,271 --> 00:39:14,797
ON THE SECOND DAY,
WE'D WIPE OUT YOUR LOT.
924
00:39:14,799 --> 00:39:17,773
ONE EXTRA DAY.
THAT'S A BONUS.
925
00:39:17,774 --> 00:39:21,325
JIM, YOU VERY KINDLY OFFERED
926
00:39:21,327 --> 00:39:23,245
TO HAVE SOME OF
THE POOREST PEOPLE
927
00:39:23,247 --> 00:39:25,357
ACTUALLY COME
AND STAY WITH YOU.
928
00:39:25,359 --> 00:39:26,956
IT'S THE LEAST I COULD DO.
929
00:39:26,958 --> 00:39:28,684
RIGHT. YOU'VE
STIPULATED HERE YOU WANT
930
00:39:28,686 --> 00:39:30,604
"ANYONE HUNGRY AND FEMALE,
931
00:39:30,606 --> 00:39:34,284
"AND BETWEEN THE AGES
OF 16 AND 22,
932
00:39:34,286 --> 00:39:38,221
PREFERABLY OF
ORIENTAL EXTRACTION."
933
00:39:38,223 --> 00:39:39,405
THAT'S RIGHT.
934
00:39:39,407 --> 00:39:41,036
NO, JIM, THAT'S WRONG.
935
00:39:42,511 --> 00:39:45,325
FINALLY, FRANK,
INTERESTING ONE FROM YOU.
936
00:39:45,327 --> 00:39:49,036
YOU'VE SUGGESTED THAT
WE ALL FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE
OF JAN PALACH.
937
00:39:49,038 --> 00:39:49,996
WHO'S THAT?
938
00:39:49,998 --> 00:39:51,564
HE WAS THE YOUNG MAN
WHO TURNED HIMSELF
939
00:39:51,566 --> 00:39:54,029
INTO A HUMAN TORCH
IN WENCESLAS SQUARE,
940
00:39:54,031 --> 00:39:56,268
WHEN THE RUSSIANS
INVADED CZECHOSLOVAKIA.
941
00:39:56,270 --> 00:39:57,356
OKAY.
942
00:39:57,358 --> 00:40:00,525
WELL, ALL IN FAVOUR OF
SETTING FIRE TO OURSELVES
943
00:40:00,526 --> 00:40:02,573
TO PROTEST AGAINST
WORLD POVERTY?
944
00:40:03,790 --> 00:40:05,036
OKAY.
945
00:40:05,038 --> 00:40:07,597
AND ALL IN FAVOUR OF
JUST FRANK DOING IT
ON HIS OWN?
946
00:40:08,943 --> 00:40:11,116
OKAY. EXCELLENT.
947
00:40:11,118 --> 00:40:12,844
SO THAT IS IN FACT
A POSSIBILITY.
948
00:40:12,846 --> 00:40:15,340
I APPRECIATE YOUR ENTHUSIASM,
949
00:40:15,342 --> 00:40:17,900
BUT WHILE WE'RE
REFINING THOSE IDEAS,
950
00:40:17,902 --> 00:40:19,725
LET'S COMMIT TO
A COUPLE OF SIMPLE THINGS.
951
00:40:19,726 --> 00:40:21,068
WHAT ARE THEY?
952
00:40:21,070 --> 00:40:23,148
WELL, LET'S SEND
THOSE LETTERS TO
THE PRIME MINISTER.
953
00:40:23,150 --> 00:40:25,900
MARGARET THATCHER'S
GOING TO GET QUITE A SURPRISE
954
00:40:25,902 --> 00:40:27,469
WHEN SHE
LOOKS IN HER MAILBOX.
955
00:40:27,471 --> 00:40:28,621
YES.
956
00:40:28,623 --> 00:40:30,316
AND SECONDLY,
957
00:40:30,318 --> 00:40:35,341
THERE IS A PLAN TO FIND
ANY NATTY WHITE THING
YOU MIGHT HAVE--
958
00:40:35,342 --> 00:40:37,100
HERE, THERE YOU GO.
LIKE THAT AND THAT, YOU KNOW.
959
00:40:37,102 --> 00:40:38,764
OH, I GOT ONE OF
THESE FLICKY THINGS
960
00:40:38,766 --> 00:40:42,029
ON THE FRONT
OF PONY MAGAZINE.
961
00:40:42,031 --> 00:40:43,180
WE'RE THINKING THAT
YOU COULD WEAR THEM
962
00:40:43,182 --> 00:40:44,461
AS AN ARMBAND
OR A BRACELET,
963
00:40:44,463 --> 00:40:45,773
YOU KNOW,
TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT.
964
00:40:45,775 --> 00:40:47,821
THAT'S A BIT OF A COMEDOWN,
ISN'T IT?
965
00:40:47,822 --> 00:40:49,900
ONE MINUTE I'M OFFERING TO
COMMIT MASS MURDER,
966
00:40:49,902 --> 00:40:53,101
AND NOW ALL YOU WANT ME TO DO
IS WEAR A WHITE BRACELET.
967
00:40:53,103 --> 00:40:54,380
I'M NOT SURE IT'S GOING TO GO
968
00:40:54,382 --> 00:40:57,452
WITH WHAT I
LIKE TO THINK OF AS
MY SIMPLE COUNTRY STYLE.
969
00:40:57,454 --> 00:41:00,716
COULD I JUST WEAR, LET'S SAY,
A WHITE SHIRT INSTEAD?
970
00:41:00,718 --> 00:41:02,093
NO, YOU CAN'T, DAVID.
971
00:41:02,095 --> 00:41:04,973
THE WHOLE POINT
IS THAT YOU WEAR
SOMETHING REALLY VISIBLE,
972
00:41:04,975 --> 00:41:06,893
YOU KNOW, TO SHOW
THAT YOU WANT TO
973
00:41:06,895 --> 00:41:09,421
CRACK THE PROBLEM
OF POVERTY ONCE AND FOR ALL.
974
00:41:09,423 --> 00:41:13,004
FAT CHANCE OF THAT.
I COULDN'T EVEN CRACK
RUBIK'S CUBE.
975
00:41:13,006 --> 00:41:15,277
DO YOU KNOW, I'M GETTING
A DISTINCT FEELING
976
00:41:15,279 --> 00:41:17,036
OF NON-COMMITMENT
IN THIS ROOM,
977
00:41:17,038 --> 00:41:18,796
WHICH IS A SHAME, REALLY,
978
00:41:18,798 --> 00:41:20,716
BECAUSE I WAS REALLY HOPING
THAT YOU'D ALL COME WITH ME
979
00:41:20,718 --> 00:41:24,300
AND MARCH ON THE G-8 SUMMIT
IN GLENEAGLES IN JULY,
980
00:41:24,302 --> 00:41:26,476
SPORTING
YOUR ARMBANDS WITH PRIDE,
981
00:41:26,477 --> 00:41:27,916
AND, YOU KNOW, CARRYING
YOUR BIG BANNERS SAYING,
982
00:41:27,918 --> 00:41:32,684
"WE'RE AS MAD AS HELL,
AND WE'RE ACTUALLY MAD."
983
00:41:32,686 --> 00:41:34,604
PRETTY UNLIKELY, I THINK.
984
00:41:34,606 --> 00:41:36,268
I MIGHT POP UP
FOR A GAME OF GOLF.
985
00:41:36,270 --> 00:41:38,956
OKAY. I KNOW
WHEN I'M BEATEN.
986
00:41:38,957 --> 00:41:41,516
LOOK, THERE IS A WEBSITE
ABOUT ALL THIS STUFF,
987
00:41:41,518 --> 00:41:43,756
SO WHY DON'T WE JUST HAVE
A QUICK LOOK ON THAT,
988
00:41:43,757 --> 00:41:45,389
AND THEN WE'LL
CALL IT A DAY, OKAY?
989
00:41:45,391 --> 00:41:46,349
GOOD IDEA.
990
00:41:48,078 --> 00:41:49,196
OKAY.
991
00:41:49,198 --> 00:41:51,693
OH, LOOK,
IT'S HUGO WITH A BEARD.
992
00:41:51,694 --> 00:41:53,613
NO, ALICE,
THAT'S GEORGE CLOONEY.
993
00:41:53,614 --> 00:41:54,860
OH, RIGHT.
994
00:41:54,862 --> 00:41:56,588
I'VE GOT A RABBIT ON MINE.
995
00:41:56,590 --> 00:41:58,956
MY PROBLEM
WITH THIS THING IS,
996
00:41:58,958 --> 00:42:01,164
WHAT GOOD WILL
WEARING IT DO, ANYWAY?
997
00:42:01,166 --> 00:42:02,476
WELL, IT WILL SHOW
THE POLITICIANS
998
00:42:02,478 --> 00:42:05,484
THAT SAVING LIVES
IS A TIP-TOP PRIORITY.
999
00:42:05,486 --> 00:42:08,077
YES, WELL, I'M NOT SURE
THAT IT IS A TIP-TOP PRIORITY.
1000
00:42:08,079 --> 00:42:11,532
I MEAN, I'M VERY CONCERNED
ABOUT THE CONDOM MACHINE
IN THE PUB.
1001
00:42:11,534 --> 00:42:14,252
YES, NOW, THAT IS
AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE.
1002
00:42:14,254 --> 00:42:16,044
I TOLD THEM TO
TAKE IT DOWN STRAIGHT AWAY.
1003
00:42:16,046 --> 00:42:18,412
NO--NO--NO,
AND PUT UP A BIGGER ONE.
1004
00:42:18,414 --> 00:42:22,092
OH, DO SHUT UP, YOU MEN.
I'VE FOUND IT. HERE, LOOK.
1005
00:42:22,094 --> 00:42:25,388
"makepovertyhistory.org
1006
00:42:25,390 --> 00:42:29,676
CLICK HERE IF YOU'RE
UNDECIDED ABOUT WHETHER
TO WEAR THE WHITE BAND."
1007
00:42:29,678 --> 00:42:32,333
OKAY, WELL, THAT IS
DEFINITELY US, ISN'T IT?
1008
00:42:32,335 --> 00:42:34,253
OKAY, RIGHT.
1009
00:42:34,255 --> 00:42:35,532
WELL, GATHER ROUND, THEN.
1010
00:42:35,534 --> 00:42:38,093
COME ON, EVERYBODY.
MAKE SURE YOU CAN SEE.
1011
00:42:38,095 --> 00:42:41,773
AND SEVERE PAIN TO
ANYBODY WHO TALKS DURING THIS.
1012
00:42:41,775 --> 00:42:44,012
CAN WE WHISPER
REALLY QUIETLY?
1013
00:42:44,014 --> 00:42:44,972
OHH!
1014
00:42:46,735 --> 00:42:48,812
I DID WARN YOU, OWEN.
1015
00:42:48,814 --> 00:42:53,036
RIGHT, CAN EVERYONE SEE?
OKAY, HERE WE GO.
1016
00:43:09,871 --> 00:43:12,236
( speaking foreign language )
1017
00:44:28,366 --> 00:44:29,899
WELL, THERE WE GO.
1018
00:44:30,926 --> 00:44:32,844
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
1019
00:44:32,846 --> 00:44:36,204
THAT WAS RATHER
MORE SERIOUS THAN
I HAD EXPECTED.
1020
00:44:41,006 --> 00:44:45,963
YOU'RE RIGHT.
THIS SORT OF THING
WON'T DO AT ALL, WILL IT?
1021
00:44:45,965 --> 00:44:50,476
NO--NO--NO LONGER.
1022
00:44:52,398 --> 00:44:53,580
THANKS.
1023
00:44:55,086 --> 00:44:59,563
SUDDENLY, OUT OF NOWHERE,
BEST BIRTHDAY I'VE EVER HAD.
1024
00:45:01,614 --> 00:45:04,780
♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD ♪
1025
00:45:04,782 --> 00:45:07,948
♪ I SHALL NOT WANT ♪
1026
00:45:07,950 --> 00:45:13,740
♪ HE MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN
IN GREEN PASTURES ♪
1027
00:45:13,742 --> 00:45:18,699
♪ HE LEADETH ME ♪
1028
00:45:18,701 --> 00:45:24,396
♪ BESIDE THE STILL WATERS ♪
1029
00:45:27,341 --> 00:45:32,780
♪ STILL WATERS ♪